A dilemma

[Nighthawk]

OK, you asked for experiences. I recently attended a wedding- last weekend, as a matter of fact- where I was the only one kilted. I wore an understated tartan (Albanach from USA Kilts in particular), a black waistcoat, red tie, white shirt, navy blue hose, and nice shoes. I was the only one kilted. I got a bit of positive feedback, and one person asked me why I wore it, to which I responded truthfully that all of my 2 pairs of pants are ratty cargo jeans, and I didn't feel those as appropriate. It was obviously a satisfactory answer as the inquirer said that I looked great and made a good choice. Other than two or three offhand "You look fantastic!" kinds of comments, it was a total non-event/non-issue. The mother of the groom, whom I had never met before, loved it. Otherwise no one seemed at all interested. It was the couple's special night, and it remained that way regardless of what I was wearing. When you're surrounded by 150 people who are all at a place for one sole purpose, you tend to blend and become white noise regardless of what you're wearing. There was one fellow who showed up wearing jeans, cowboy boots and one of those tacky tuxedo print t shirts. He was asked to leave. So it seems to me that as long as you're not doing anything inappropriate or offensive, no one gets concerned.

Look at my friend Barbara here;



See how happy and pretty she is on her wedding day? How in the hell is the bald fat boy in the kilt going to "upstage" her?

Cutting right to the heart of the matter...

[M. A. C. Newsome]

When I went to my brother-in-law's wedding, I took both kilt and trousers. I asked him which he'd rather me wear.

My line of thinking was that I was a guest at his wedding, and while I would love to wear the kilt, I knew I'd be the only one. The kilt is an attention-grabber. And while I know at a wedding the bride rightfully gets all the attention, I would not want it to appear as if I were attempting to steal any of that limelight!

But really, the only people's opinion who really mattered to me were my brother-in-law's and his brides. So I just figured I'd ask them.

As it turns out, he was really excited I had brought my kilt and said he'd be honored if I wore it. So I did. Of course during the ceremony all eyes were on the happy couple. I did get some compliments and comments during the reception afterwards, par for the course.

But if he had said trousers, I would have worn them and been just as happy. No need to try to survey other wedding attendees and family members to get their opinions. Just do what the happy couple wishes.

[Paul Henry]

snip....
But really, the only people's opinion who really mattered to me were my brother-in-law's and his brides. So I just figured I'd ask them.
....snip.

how many brides......
?

[piperdbh]

how many brides......
?

All of them!

[nagod]

IF the bride is ok with it,then decide if your kilt is at the same level of formality as the other guests will be dressed(basic sportkilt doesnt fit in with suit and tie crowd).

[Silent Raven]

I will be wearing a kilt to a friends wedding this coming august, as well as a good friend of mine may be wearing one as well if he has one by then (he is also performing the ceremony) but may or may not wear it at that time. but definitely for the reception. but we are both wearing kilts of 'non attention grabbing colors' for lack of better words. ill be wearing my nightstalker and he in a black watch. partially so as to not steal to much attention from the bride and groom (which is nearly impossible, except for the Ronald McDonald costume.

so i figure as long as its not a kilt of major vibrancy (ie loud macleod, pink death, or a Hawaiian pattern) i think you would be okay.

but to reiterate a quick check with the lady of honor might be a wise option.

[Dulcius ex Asperis]

A hearty thanks to all for your thoughts and experiences.

It confirms what I suspected. Now I can't imagine a bride and groom being outdone by anyone (except maybe Ronald MacDonald! LOL) but somehow that doesn't relieve me of the obligation of being a worthy guest. My son is 5 and is really looking forward to wearing his kilt when it comes, but that doesn't have to be at this wedding. I may yet ask the bride (who is, I agree, the authority) but I think I have pretty much tipped toward blending in in a suit.

I'll update with the final result after the wedding for anyone who might wish to find out how the story ends. And I may yet post a picture of what I would have worn had I gone kilted. That kind of inverts the rule about pictures being the proof of events really happening. In my case my picture will be proof that the event didn't happen [in a kilt]?!

Again, thank you everyone!

[Zardoz]

Why worry about wearing your best to a friend's wedding? If I am not a member of the wedding party proper, as a guest I will dress appropriately for the time and venue. This 'appropriate' dress will currently include a kilt. This was true before I started wearing kilts all the time as well.

I have never felt the need to ask the bride, (who has enough to worry about) or the bride's family, (technically the hosts) or take polls to get permission to dress in my usual manner. Do you think the wildly inapproprately dressed folks who always seem to show up at these events asked if it was OK to wear their tube-tops, shorts and crocs?

Look at my friend Barbara here;



See how happy and pretty she is on her wedding day? How in the hell is the bald fat boy in the kilt going to "upstage" her?

[tripleblessed]

As is frequently the case, Zardoz cuts to the crux of the matter quite succinctly. I would suggest asking now only because parents AND wife is an obstacle. You have heard above, though, that many brides welcome the festive addition. Not asking and also just not wearing may lead to later being asked by the bride, "Why didn't you? It would have been great."

[Dulcius ex Asperis]

I'll update with the final result after the wedding for anyone who might wish to find out how the story ends. And I may yet post a picture of what I would have worn had I gone kilted. That kind of inverts the rule about pictures being the proof of events really happening. In my case my picture will be proof that the event didn't happen [in a kilt]?

Last Thursday I got a call from the father of the bride. In our conversation he indicated his own response to the kilt idea, namely that he took it as an honor to himself and his family. I told him of my decision to go for the suit and he said he would be fine with whatever I decided. Afterward, I began to re-evaluate my decision and finally determined that if he went out of his way to call me to express such a favorable opinion to the kilt it might not be so bad. And so, last night I donned my new kilt for it's first formal and truly public debut (I don't think going to get the mail in my kilt the day it arrived really counts).

And... it went just fine. We were in the back of the church during the wedding so most people didn't even see us until afterward. When it was our turn to greet the bride and groom in the receiving line they were very (pleasantly) surprised at mine and my son's kilts and 'Highland getup'.

At the reception the groom told me that his family was of Scottish descent and that he appreciated the kilt very much. In the restroom, of all places, I ran into the father of the groom who repeatedly emphasized how much he appreciated the kilt. People who had never seen a kilt worn approached me and expressed how smart it looked. But in the end, the wedding was wonderful, the bride was beautiful, the groom was beaming, the food was excellent, the party was a delight, and the kilt was but one small (though bright) jewel in a richly ornamented celebration.

So there you have it. And now for some stats for those interested:

I wore my new USA Kilts 5-yard, 16oz (House of Edgar) Ferguson Modern, (knife) pleated to the sett [I must say that being so new I'm no judge of kilts, but I can say that I'm very pleased with it and am proud to wear it. Thanks, Rocky!]; bottle green hose with red garter ties (big thanks to the XMarker who loaned me these!!); Argyle coat and waistcoat; red satin tie; black leather sporran.

My son wore his USA Kilts Casual Kilt, 13oz (PV) Ferguson Modern, (knife) pleated to the stripe; cream hose (I know, I know, I know...but it was that or black in hose his size and I wanted the hose to be distinguishable); red flashes; a dress shirt and tie from Kohl's; a black waistcoat (too long for a kilt) from JC Penny; and a youth black leather sporran.

Someday maybe I'll be able to afford a dress sporran and a decent sgean dubh (I'm ambivalent about the kilt pin, personally). It was a great first time out. And I hope for many more.

Thanks to all for your input and help. I appreciate the help in taking this seriously and not taking it all too seriously.

And lest you think this just a clever fiction I will soon post the pictures (they're still on the camera).