Another question about clans--adopted children

[Baker04]

I am on the other side of the question, as the birth son of a young Scottish Canadian soldier who was adopted . Knowing my maternal birth name but not my father's Scottish one was likely to be always the case. Through DNA testing in a few formats by more than one lab and genetic matches,I was determined to be a genetic MacRae. I am proud to be of MacRae heritage and am going to order another MacRae tartan kilt.
Furthermore, how amazing science is when I now even know what line of MacRaes I descend from.
It's important for an adopted child not to be made to feel different, yet at the same time , recognizing that they may want to recognize their biological heritage in some way if known. eg my name tag on this site is my biological maternal name.

[Chas]

I have a cousin who is adopted. He is as much a part of our family as any of the rest of us.

Would it be considered inappropriate for him to wear our tartan?
Would he be as "entitled" (whatever that means--waves hand in a passé manner) to wear the colours that represent his adopted family that reared him from very young childhood?

I understand that "clan" means "family," often a group unconnected by blood but rather by geography and symbiosis.

I don't mean to start a thread with any controversy. I know that this could be a very emotional thread. Let's keep it cool.

Thank you.

I have some expertise in this field.

The adopted person will always know that they are adopted. It is not that they feel unwanted, or unneeded, or unloved - no, not that at all. But still in the back of their minds is the knowledge that they are adopted.

For the sake of the mental health and peace of mind of the adopted person, I would never mention it. If the question of a tartan arises, then they should be told that yours is their family tartan. Inclusiveness and similarity rather than emphasising differences.

Regards

Chas

[MacMillans son]

I have a cousin who is adopted. He is as much a part of our family as any of the rest of us.

There is your answer! If at some point he wants to reattach to his biological family that would be entirely up to him, but I, IN NO WAY, would imply that it was an option that you are providing him any more than you would with a biological relative of yours. He is your family, and therefore your clan, unless he chooses to abandon you. " Yes son we are of Clan MacOnion, but if you want to go muddle around a bit and find another clan who you want to be a part of go right ahead" Would not be a conversation I would have with him.

[Dani Mac]

I have a grandson who is not a grandson by blood. I recently started kilting, and I am making him a kilt out of my family's tartan. He is my grandson, plain and simple. He is part of the family. As my mother has said, there's biological family and there's logical family. My opinion is that your cousin has a right to wear the family tartan, if he chooses.

[piperdbh]

We don't know how old the cousin is, but if it's a child who knows he was adopted, then if/when he asks about his "birth tartan", the family might explain it by saying he can wear either (or both) tartans, emphasizing that the family chose him to become a part of them. Or, as Brook said, just don't make an issue of it, and when he's old enough to find out on his own, if he cares, then that will be his decision.

[ThistleDown]

You have good answers from paulhenry and Jock, Bren. I think you were asking an entitlement question: does your adopted cousin have a "right" to the tartan of the family into which he was adopted. The simple answer is "yes", but it is important to separate the three forms of adoption being discussed here and recognise the difference between their use historically and their use today. Legal adoption doesn't change a biological past but sets the legal tone for the future; fostering was a form of gendering friendship or at least understanding between potentially adversarial families; changing one's surname to that of a landlord could be another means of engratiating, but was also a means by which the landlord could encourage what we call community today. In the first and the third there was acceptance into a clan; in the second the fostered child remained of his parental clan.

[CameronCat]

Asked:

"I have a cousin who is adopted.... Would it be considered inappropriate for him to wear our tartan?"

Answered:

"He is as much a part of our family as any of the rest of us."

[Pleater]

Back then - a slave with clothes? What a strange idea. They'd be wanting shoes next.

Anne the Pleater :ootd:

[TheOfficialBren]

Thanks, folks. My cousin is an adult. We grew up at the same time. I am 28 now. He is 30, so close in age. I think my question has been answered. Thank you for sharing your stories.

I'm okay if the thread wanders into the silly direction it seems to be going.


Anne, shoes?! They have perfectly good feet!!

[Riverkilt]

I agree with the cousin being family....what came up for me surprisingly was that my "anti-kilt" boss where I worked before said his ancestry was Scottish but that his ancestor had been adopted out to a family in London and he had no clue what his clan or Scot name was. Sad.