Finally met a member of the Kilt Police... And I wasn't kilted.

[Bill aka Mole]

Background: I work for an automotive tire manufacturer in South Carolina. I work in the Curing and Finish section of the plant which is a little too warm in the winter and not much fun in the summer. I have been out of the workplace for about nine weeks due to a gallbladder attack which required removal. My co-workers know that when we are not working, I am liable to be kilted. Of course, while I was out, more new people were hired as we are still expanding.

So, I met a new employee at work about two weeks ago. He's an all right sort, mid-twenties and still young enough to tell you what he thinks is the way things are regarding anything in the world. My coworkers set me up by telling this man that I wear kilts while I was out. I met him because his machine wasn't functioning properly and I resolve those types of problems. One of the safety devices was acting up and in the middle of troubleshooting to determine what the problem was, he asks if I'm the one who wears a kilt. When I answer that I do, he starts asking me if it is a true kilt. Puzzled, I ask him what is a true kilt. His answer was: "You know, a true kilt. One of those that you don't wear underwear with. Not those ones that don't look right." That is when I knew I had met a member of the Kilt Police: not knowing what it is that you are wearing but smart enough to know how to tell you how to wear it. He then started with some other questions and I politely asked him to stop as he was now interfering with me doing my job. Our break times happened to coincide a day later and it was back to him wanting to see a picture of me in a kilt and telling me if I was wearing things properly and then asking what it was that I was wearing. One of the pictures that I have that I dislike is one where I'm wearing a polo shirt with the kilt and a cantled sporran. At the time that the picture was made, I didn't have any day wear, so I wore a cantled hunting sporran and dress Sgain Dbuh. I have two dress sporrans and they are designed to carry exactly three slips of paper in them. But this guy was telling me and a co-worker that I knew my stuff and pointing out how well I was pulling it off. Then he tells my co-worker that I wasn't allowed to wear any underwear with my kilt because that is how it is supposed to be. I nearly spit out my drink at that point. After composing myself, I looked at him and asked him how he knew that I wasn't allowed to do that, his answer was that it wasn't allowed in the regiments and that someone would take away my kilt. That is when I couldn't help it, I started laughing. I stopped talking with him about kilts at that point and walked back to my shop. He followed me into the shop and asked what was wrong. I asked him if I looked like a guy that was in a regiment, his answer was no. Well, I asked, if I'm not in a regiment, who would have the authority to take my kilt. He didn't know. I wish them luck in taking my kilt, I said, as it won't be easy to do. We've not talked about kilts since that.