A Dissapointing conversation

**Canadian_Kilt** · 13th December 06, 09:39 AM

Thank you WSK - and everyone - for your advice.

I could not agree with you more, and in fact, writing things down is my strength by far, and often something I do when we have disagreements. This is not something I intend to let fall by the wayside. I don't want to sit around and wonder what she thinks about it. I'm glad in a way that she told me this. We have always been very careful about being open and honest with each other and talking about everything, because we both feel it's very important. I love my future wife more than anything, and certainly more than kilts, but that doesn't mean I have to give them up. Like I said one of the real dissapointments was that I thought it was something we both shared enjoyment of, and I turned out to be totally wrong. This, I find, is one of the typical female outlooks on male behaviour. It's all fine and good - and even cool and interesting - until we take it seriously.

In this case, I think there's give on both sides. She needs to become a little more educated about kilts and kilting, and the fact that, while it might be uncommon, it is not wierd to wear them casually as well as formally. I need to understand that my views are obviously more relaxed than hers (which is true), and that it will take some time and effort for her to adjust. This has always been a challenge for us because we were raised in very different environments. Her family is a lot more 'formal and proper', where as mine is extremely casual and basically doesn't care what others do or what others think of us.

**sav** · 13th December 06, 09:43 AM

Well I don't think I can offer any advice past what others have already posted, but just wanted to offer my support...Many threads have been discussed about problems with significant others, so just do a search, read some posts, and wear it with pride! I'm sure she'll come around.

**Colin** · 13th December 06, 09:48 AM

We all seem to forget that our SO need the time to adjust to our new habits. Those of us here are discussing kilts all the time and learning new things that we like. Our minds are made up and moving forward long before we have likely even told a spouse. They aren't at the same pace we are and just need the tiem to get used to it. Just like we do with their new haircut

Break her in slowly with Ceilidhs, or highland games, etc, etc. My wife was in the "it's a formal thing" attitude as well, but she came around and has always put up the front that she was supportive (if she isn't, she hasn't voiced it).

**MrLion** · 13th December 06, 10:16 AM

I've only been looking into my Scottish heritage about six months or so, eventually finding this forum site. It is VERY helpful to discover, like so many other areas in life, that one is NOT alone, i.e. spouse doesn't like the new idea of kilts. I'm thankful for this forum and all the good information.

**Panache** · 13th December 06, 10:49 AM

C K

Like Robin I am very fortunate to have a very supportive wife who thinks I look dashing in a kilt (and even makes me flashes).

To keep some perspective on this.

THE WOMAN YOU LOVE vs. AN ARTICLE OF CLOTHING

Make sure to keep your priorities here. Talk about it with her. So she sees kilts as formal wear. If your lady enjoys dressing up, then do things with her that require dressing up. Perhaps some ballroom dancing? So few gentlemen nowdays are willing to get dressed to the nines and take their lady's hand for an evening out. If wearing a kilt encourages this in you I think she will count herself very lucky indeed.

Good Luck!

**Hamish** · 13th December 06, 11:29 AM

CT, just to throw in my support at this time - I am unable to compare notes since I have been single for eleven years, am ageing and have to answer to no-one else. On the other hand, I have been a kilt wearer for over 55 years and a full-time one for the past 7½ years. As other here will tell you: trousers, even shorts, are not to be found in my home at all!

Could it be that your SO, when thinking of The Kilt, visualises it only in its full-dress form (ie: as for a Wedding) with the Prince Charlie jacket and waistcoat, dress sporran, etc., etc.? Has she actually seen you or any other kilted guy dressed casually - in a Polo or T-shirt, with hose folded/scrunched down over casual boots? Show her the many photos in the top three 'stickies' in the "Show us your pics" part of this forum. There she will see examples of just how many great ways our kilts can be worn. There are over a hundred further photos in my own photo album, linked below.

Unlike any other item of clothing we may have in our wardrobes, the same traditional kilt can be dressed up for the most formal occasion AND can be dressed down for the most casual. Please try to show your Good Lady that Kilts are NOT necessarily uniforms or costumes - they ARE, quite simply, garments!

Good Luck.

**Canadian_Kilt** · 13th December 06, 11:24 AM

That's great advice as well Panache. I'm takin notes! If she only likes the kilt at formal occasions, create more formal occasions to wear the kilt! ;)

**O'Neille** · 13th December 06, 01:40 PM

Communication and compromise are two things that need to be worked on before and during a relationship. We often don't do them to the best of our abilities until after a break-up. Good luck. O'Neille