Mad as hell!

[Mr. MacDougall]

I suspect, based on my own experiences and her continued use of the word 'skirt,' that her issues are based on her expectation that kilt wearing is equivalent to cross-dressing, and she's upset that her image of you is in conflict with her image of cross-dressers. As with most of the others who have posted, my advice would be to meet with her, discuss it, and find out what the big deal is, in her mind.

Good luck!

[DireStraitsFan]

I suspect, based on my own experiences and her continued use of the word 'skirt,' that her issues are based on her expectation that kilt wearing is equivalent to cross-dressing, and she's upset that her image of you is in conflict with her image of cross-dressers. As with most of the others who have posted, my advice would be to meet with her, discuss it, and find out what the big deal is, in her mind.

Good luck!

Thanks Mac. Your posts reflect the wisdom of the man I am sure.

[Makeitstop]

I have a vaguely similar situation with a friend who simply cannot accept the kilt. She sees it as "cross dressing with an excuse" and it seems that part of her problem is that she can't stop her mind from wandering to somewhere under the kilt. I'm not saying this is the problem here, I don't have enough info to make any determination like that.

Anyway, the problem in my case stemmed from the fact that she was uncomfortable, and it put a strain on our friendship. I did not let her stop me from wearing the kilt, but I also tried to remain sensitive to her discomfort, and didn't rub it in her face either. And at the same time, I told her just how pissed off I was about the way she had been treating me.

Things have recently gotten better. Part of this is probably because she is gradually getting used to the kilt, but more of it has to do with the fact that I have done several very nice, selfless things for her, and I have been there for her when she was having a hard time, despite the fact that she knows that I am still quite mad and feel betrayed. We aren't out of the woods yet, but things are looking up.

So my advice to you is a bit complicated. To know exactly how to react requires an understanding of the problem. You know her better than I do obviously, so ask yourself, is she acting like the kilt is funny? Gross or disturbing? A sign of schizophrenia? Just plain odd? Or does this in some way match a pattern of behavior that just hasn't been focused on you before, such as gossip?

The big question is, does the kilt offend her in some way, or is she fairly neutral and just being weird or insensitive? If she finds the kilt to be unpleasant, than while you must not let her control you, you should also be sensitive to her. You may very well be causing her as much discomfort as she is causing for you. In that case you will probably want to find the root of the problem, and while you may be able to help by explaining certain things such as cultural issues and comfort (if she is ok with rather crass descriptions, it can go a long way to be as blunt and detailed as possible about the effects of bifurcation on dangly parts), her problem is almost certainly irrational in nature, and will probably not be solved through reason alone. Changing irrational attitudes takes time and patience.

If she is not really uncomfortable with the kilt however, then she is just being cruel and insensitive. If that is the case, a stronger response may be needed. A firm "cut the crap" kind of attitude should let her know that this is unacceptable and that you expect that if she is any kind of a friend she will be a bit more respectful in the future.

In either case I recommend wearing the kilt with pride (though not necessarily to her party, that's a judgment call I can't make for you) but not making it the center of attention. It can be a hard line to walk, but it gets easier with time. Essentially wear the kilt like you would any pair of pants and don't give it another thought. But when attacked, be strong and proud in your glorious kilt. Don't let them get to you, you're the one with the balls to wear what you want.

And if she is really bugging you, calling her on it. Whether this takes the form of a private, oprahesque conversation about your feelings, a simple "shut it or I'll kick your teeth in" or anything in between depends on your personalities and the nature of your relationship. However you go about it though, make sure she understands that you don't like what she is doing, and that she is harming your friendship with her insensitive remarks. Don't be a jerk, but remain firm and clear about how you expect your friends to treat you.

In the end it all comes down to respect. They don't have to like the kilt. They don't have to accept the kilt. But they do have to respect you, and that is incompatible with the kind of behavior you have described.

And that cuts both ways. You don't have to like their opinion, or obey it in anyway, but you may have to accept that they (for whatever reason) have trouble coping with your new clothing choice, and out of respect for them, show a bit of tact. It sucks, but it may be the reality of the situation.

[Rex_Tremende]

A firm "cut the crap" kind of attitude should let her know that this is unacceptable and that you expect that if she is any kind of a friend she will be a bit more respectful in the future.

I so totally love this approach and second it.

Regards,
Rex.

[Rigged]

Well, if she's never seen you in it, and all she's heard from others is that you're wearing a skirt, then maybe it's time for her to see how you look in said "skirt". Once she sees for herself that you aren't trying to look like a school-girl, she's likely to change her opinion -- or not. But at least then her opinion is based on something other than hearsay and you can have a realistic conversation about it.

[Makeitstop]

Well, if she's never seen you in it, and all she's heard from others is that you're wearing a skirt, then maybe it's time for her to see how you look in said "skirt". Once she sees for herself that you aren't trying to look like a school-girl, she's likely to change her opinion -- or not. But at least then her opinion is based on something other than hearsay and you can have a realistic conversation about it.

This I think is very true. If she hasn't seen the kilt, she is probably picturing some sort of cartoonish exaggeration. It seems less likely that she has serious issues with the kilt, but more like she just doesn't get it. To her kilts are probably an abstract concept seen only on tv, or in a parade. She probably has no idea that kilts can just be regular clothing.

If she sees you in a kilt she will probably think you look silly. But if she continues to see you in a kilt, it will (hopefully) sink in that this isn't a costume or some outrageous cry for attention, but rather just another way to cover your reproductive organs.

Think of it this way. If I told you I was wearing lederhosen, you would most likely picture a silly costume or stereotype, rather than just think of it as shorts with suspenders which could actually be made to look fairly mundane by comparison.

Hell, let's take this a bit further. I've been known to wear armor and/or dress like a ninja. It can actually be done without looking all that silly (different for sure, but not silly) but can you picture it without thinking of something that you might on some level want to make fun of or tell a friend about it? Probably not.

So when someone who is not accustomed to the kilt here's about a friend wearing some weird manskirt, that reaction is not too hard to understand. Insensitive perhaps, but not inexplicable.

[Rigged]

I kinda wish you would wear it to the party if only to show that you're not doing anything to be ashamed of. If you could meet her kilted before the party, you'd have the opportunity to discuss it pre-event and make your clothing decision based on that.

And some people don't get it and won't get it no matter what you do.

[Mark Keeney]

Talk to her privately to show her some respect for her. Do it very soon so it doesn't grow to more than it is. When you talk to her offer to meet her privately again in the kilt so she can see what it looks like on you for real. Be sure she knows in a non judgmental fashion how the situation makes you feel and that you really want to wear the kilt and remain her good friend, then ask her what you two can do about the situation. Make her an equal partner in the problem and solution.

[Coinneach]

Since she's never seen you in the kilt, the image in her head is overwhelming her senses. She may be imagining you mowing the lawn in a formal prince charlie. Whatever it is, if she brings it up at the party, you need to pull her aside for a few minutes and let her know that the two of you will talk about it later, but for now it's inappropriate to go on about something she admittedly doesn't understand.

Arrange a lunch meeting sometime between the two of you (or with you and your wife) where you can wear your kilt and she can see for herself. Until she gets a real image to replace the one in her head she's not going to have a chance of understanding.

[Freedomlover]

Some people have hangups (for lack of a better term) at levels that the common man can not begin to comprehend. I'd say the problem is hers, not yours. If others of her friends have tried to assuage her without result I am confident that there is little or nothing you can do to change her mind. Let it slide. You are not the keeper of her conscience, nor are you required to adjust your comfort level just to suit her.

Several others of the esteemed members have also offered cogent advice. Perhaps a combination of tactics will work a change in her. Or not.