Wife jealous of the Kilt

[Geoff Withnell]

Sounds like you're guessing at what she's thinking. Have you sat down and talked openly about it?

Ron, What are you, some kind of radical!? Imagine, a husband and wife talking about what bugs them. But seriously, talking is the secret. My Lady, Michele has times when she would rather I didn't wear a kilt. So she tells me, and I don't at those times. There are times when she would rather I did. Sometimes I would prefer she wear a skirt or dress rather than slacks. I tell her and she does. Communication and compromise, it's been working for us for 38 years now.

Geoff Withnell - possibly the happiest married man on the planet, with the exception of my Dad, who has been using the same principle for 64 years with my Mom.

[ForresterModern]

I will not presume to think I know what anyone else's spouse is thinking, but I have a similar situation of a wife who does NOT like it when I wear a kilt. And she is not afraid to speak her mind about it, saying things NOT in jest, but in front of our friends and family, like "he has more skirts than I do" and "I don't think a man in a skirt is at all sexy---rather it turns my interest in sex off for you, honey". For example, my birthday was this past weekend, and I was wondering if we could go out to dinner with some friends, the husband who knows I wear the kilt has always wanted to see me wear it and just never had a chance. So I thought on my birthday I could go out for a nice dinner kilted, with our friends, but was rebuffed with "If you wear a kilt don't expect me to go with you, especially if we invite (our friends) to go with us, becasue I don't want to be seen in public with you wearing that thing". I was this close to saying that we would miss her company at dinner that night, but instead took the high road and just she and I had a quiet dinner out, unkilted, needless to say me a bit disappointed. She also scrutinizes our credit card bills for Paypal charges and overseas credit card charges for kilt related items and gives me grief about every pair of hose, every kilt pin purchased, let alone when I want to get a full new kilt.

I understand that major purchases are and should be a family decision, but I am more than gainfully employed, the sole breadwinner for the family, and the amounts I spend relative to our disposable income are small and not threatening our finanical security.

She has even said that if I had been a kilt wearer when we met, dated and got married, that she never would have gone out with me. So, since I took up a new hobby, and some new dress style, am I that different of a person now than I was 4 years ago?

Now is that jealousy? Well all I can say is that when I insist on kilting up, and she does go with me (typically some celtic related event like a highland games) she is extremely conscious, far more than I, of folks around me and the looks I get while kilted. I do not know whether it is embarrassment to be seen with me, envy that I am getting undue attention, or some other concern that bothers her, but it really bothers her, without doubt.

Just my personal observations of my own similar situation.

jeff

[Bing]

I will not presume to think I know what anyone else's spouse is thinking, but I have a similar situation of a wife who does NOT like it when I wear a kilt. And she is not afraid to speak her mind about it, saying things NOT in jest, but in front of our friends and family, like "he has more skirts than I do" and "I don't think a man in a skirt is at all sexy---rather it turns my interest in sex off for you, honey".

Are we secretly brothers-in-law, because if I didn't know better I would have to say that I'm married to your wife's sister!

She Who Must Be Obeyed is currently on double-secret probation with me, as she has forbidden me on more than one occasion recently from wearing my kilt out in public. She says that she doesn't want to bee seen with me causing a spectacle.

According to the schedule I am allowed to wear a kilt in the beer tent (only!) on Friday and Saturday nights at the Fergus Highland games, to a Burns Day party we attend and at our Scotchtoberfest party in early October and our Niel Gow Birthday Party in late March. Count that up folks, 5 times a year.

Christmas - FORBIDDEN!
Hogmanay - FORBIDDEN!
Down the pub - FORBIDDEN!
playing a gig with our Celtic music club - FORBIDDEN!
St. Andrew's day - FORBIDDEN!

The most recent incident was this past weekend when were meeting up with some friends for a céilidh with the Irish Folk Society. I was dressed and ready to go but was sent back upstairs to change like a miscreant schoolboy before our friends arrived.

And now to the double-secret probation part. If this happens ONE MORE TIME I will sell every bit and scrap of kilt related stuff that I have. Keep your eyes on the For Sale forum because we have 2 gigs coming up for St. Paddy's day and if it's jeans again then it all goes.

I'm 48 years old, gainfully employed in my own business and I shouldn't have to fight about what I'm going to wear. Life's too short to deal with this kind of nonsense about my hobby that she doesn't like.

[Brian K]

Are we secretly brothers-in-law, because if I didn't know better I would have to say that I'm married to your wife's sister!

She Who Must Be Obeyed is currently on double-secret probation with me, as she has forbidden me on more than one occasion recently from wearing my kilt out in public. She says that she doesn't want to bee seen with me causing a spectacle............

I'm 48 years old, gainfully employed in my own business and I shouldn't have to fight about what I'm going to wear. Life's too short to deal with this kind of nonsense about my hobby that she doesn't like.

And you allow her to treat you lie you're 12? Certainly you have to take into account her wishes and concerns - you did decide to spend the rest of your life with her after all - but it's just as unreasonable for her insist you wear your kilt only 5 out of the 365 days of the year. It sounds like you're doing all the accommodating here and it's time she took a turn or 3.

As much as I'd love to have a kilt, if you offer everything you own for sale I will not buy anything because I'd not want to give her the satisfaction of seeing you get rid of stuff you love just to satisfy some unreasonable and petulant need she has to control you utterly!

Regards - and good luck!

Brian

[Imac]

When my kilt arrived my girlfriend was a unsure of what to think. I'm sure she thought that I was a cross dresser, which I can assure you I am not. She did make the comment that it a nice dress and I proceeded to explain that I had no interest in wearing a dress or her dresses for that matter and this is a kilt, these are my clan colours.

I think she excepts it more now, she even encouraged me to wear it on my birthday, which was a big success. I need a few things before I wear in out. But I hope that she supports me when I do. After all I love and support her, she should do the same for me.

[ForresterModern]

Are we secretly brothers-in-law, because if I didn't know better I would have to say that I'm married to your wife's sister!

She Who Must Be Obeyed is currently on double-secret probation with me, as she has forbidden me on more than one occasion recently from wearing my kilt out in public. She says that she doesn't want to bee seen with me causing a spectacle.

According to the schedule I am allowed to wear a kilt in the beer tent (only!) on Friday and Saturday nights at the Fergus Highland games, to a Burns Day party we attend and at our Scotchtoberfest party in early October and our Niel Gow Birthday Party in late March. Count that up folks, 5 times a year.

Christmas - FORBIDDEN!
Hogmanay - FORBIDDEN!
Down the pub - FORBIDDEN!
playing a gig with our Celtic music club - FORBIDDEN!
St. Andrew's day - FORBIDDEN!

The most recent incident was this past weekend when were meeting up with some friends for a céilidh with the Irish Folk Society. I was dressed and ready to go but was sent back upstairs to change like a miscreant schoolboy before our friends arrived.

And now to the double-secret probation part. If this happens ONE MORE TIME I will sell every bit and scrap of kilt related stuff that I have. Keep your eyes on the For Sale forum because we have 2 gigs coming up for St. Paddy's day and if it's jeans again then it all goes.

I'm 48 years old, gainfully employed in my own business and I shouldn't have to fight about what I'm going to wear. Life's too short to deal with this kind of nonsense about my hobby that she doesn't like.

Brother Bing

I feel your pain. My wife does have a sister, but believe me there is no way you would want to be married to her because my wife and I both have difficulty being in the same hemisphere with her.

Regarding your Double Secret Probation comment, as I read it I was not sure what the outcome was going to be, but I certainly did not expect YOU to feel a need to drop all your kilt kit into the sale bin because of another "violation". Personally, I choose my battles, which are threatening to be more and more frequent as my desires to go out kilted will be increasing with the winter waning. But I do choose them against her desires sometimes, and that will likely increase in frequency rather than diminish.

I have tried the "get her involved" in the kilting and celtic events stuff, even had a custom woven silk scarf made up in Dutch FRiendship Tartan colors (she is full blooded Dutch American), and offered to get a matching DFT kilt made so we could match when we went out to dressier events, and got the response of " oh you just want an excuse to get another kilt in DFT". Even bought an infant kilt for our son, which he wore numerous times when I was kilted for events, and when he outgrew that another child's kilt. I was kilted for work one day last week, and he wanted to wear his kilt (he is just two but very verbal), but she refused because I was leaving for work and she did not particularly want to see him in it. He loves being kilted with Daddy as you can see from the pictures in my albums.

No quick or easy answers, but don't give up the ship. Would you give up golfing, or fishing, or wearing boxer shorts instead of briefs, or shorts instead of long pants on a hot day, because your spouse insisted? There is only so far that a marrital relationship can or should go with regards to a person's individuality. But each relationship needs to find its own balance point. Good luck.

j

[MrLion]

... each relationship needs to find its own balance point. j

Thank you for this reminder, that's where I'm at.... keeping it all in balance.

[lethearen]

I have to side with Dixie and Ali on this one. It's not necessarily a matter of your getting more attention than she, nor even a matter of the kind of attention you're getting. How would you feel if everywhere you and she went, whatever you were doing, y'all got interrupted by someone telling her how great she looked, or where'd you get that dress, or whatever. Not only are you getting enough attention to make going out with you a chore, but she is losing attention from the person who matters most: you.

While I don't condone the "throw jewelry/flowers at the problem and she'll go away" mentality, you should really do something heartfelt that shows that she's what's important, not you. Jewelry or the "fancy" clothes you offered her don't fix the issue at hand. Chances are there's not much you could possibly buy her that would bring her the attention your kilt brings you. A woman dressed up is just a woman dressed up. A man in a kilt is an unusual sight.

If someone approaches and wants to talk about your kilt, dismiss them politely by saying you'd like to chat, but you're enjoying the day out with your wife. Tell the doc you'll catch up later after your wife's appointment.

And by all means, man... talk to her about this, not us I bet she has better ideas to a solution than any of us do!

[azwildcat96]

All I can say is WOW! Who knew that there could be this much of an issue?

Maybe a support group for spouses of kilt wearers is in order?

My wife thought I was nuts for even thinking about buying (let alone wearing) one, but she seemed to change her mind when I took her to the fitting and she saw me in one.

You all have me worried about what could be headed my way.

[Bing]

Maybe a support group for spouses of kilt wearers is in order?

A support group only works when the members choose to join because they acknowledge that they have a problem.

My wife doesn't have a problem; go ahead and ask her and she'll tell you that I have the problem. And if I keep trying to wear that ridiculous thing out in public causing a spectacle and frightening children then it'll become an even bigger problem. For me.