Your worst puns

[MNlad]

Two hunters, one from Germany and the other from the Czech Republic, were late returning to camp while on safari. The hunting guide and several other members of the party conducted a search and came upon a pride of lions who had obviously just enjoyed a rather large meal.

One of the party shot a lioness, and upon opening the now deceased animal discovered the hapless German. The party was all in favor of shooting the rest of the animals, sure that one of them had killed their other friend. The guide, however, said such extreme measures were not necessary and only one animal needed to be dispatched since it was obvious the Czech was in the male.

[Mikilt]

How do monkeys get downstairs?

They slide down the bananaster

[LANCER1562]

That last pun had a certain a peel to it.

[Mikilt]

This took a while to write. It might be my Magnum Opus. I should be ashamed.

A pun is a play on words
From the intellectual to the absurd
A pun is in the domain of wit
So says the “pun”dit

A pun is sort of an enigma
Once you’ve punned you bear the stigma
Warning! If you take the plunge
Your record may never be ex”pun”ged

A pun’s in a class all its own
A comedic Rosetta Stone
When you get it, you groan a bunch
When you get it, it’s like a “pun”ch

In every language ever spoken
Someone’s sense of humor’s broken
Timing, of course, is always key
Delivered with “pun”ctuality

Sometimes your mind is bereft
Sometimes you just have nothing left
When you razor wit is blunt
You have no choice, you have to “pun”t

From my mind these puns do burst
If allowed to pun, I’ll do my worst
On my puns you mustn’t pass judgement
Even when my puns are “pun”gent

As I grow older, I grow fonder
Of the elusive double-entendre
Because the puns that are silliest
Are invariably “pun”ctilious

When I pun, it’s with a dash
Of je ne sais quoi tinged with panache
When I pun, it’s full frontal
No sense being contra”pun”tal

Even if you think you’re above
The puns that I so dearly love
You must admit, puns are fun-ish
No good line goes un“pun”ished

I probably pun more than I should
My power is only used for good
I should stop at this juncture
Lest my pun balloon be “pun”ctured

It’s well known that my puns are awful
In 22 countries they’re unlawful
My ignominious end is fated
A punsters life, “pun”ctuated

Now it’s time I took a rest
From my puns, worst and best
Yes, I think this rhyme is done
The punniest rhyme ever s”pun”

[Norm]

When you toss a boomerang covered with smiley faces, what you end up with are many happy returns...

[GrainReaper]

A rectal thermometer always gives your body temperature in the end

[Kiltedjohn]

Many years ago (in the days of my youth!), I was walking in the street with my mother, who (rather indelicately) remarked, "Look at that girl - what a big bottom. She needs to diet." I replied, "What colour?"

[Mikilt]

A pinniped escaped from the zoo. Her name is Lucille.

[Profane James]

Not embarrassed to say....I had to look up pinniped...
And yet again, well done sir.

[GrainReaper]

A pinniped escaped from the zoo. Her name is Lucille.

Yet again, well done!

As the ladies all say, you are quite the cunning linguist!