Your worst puns

[Kiltedjohn]

Many years ago, I came across a book with the title "The World's Worst Jokes". A few have stuck in my mind:-

"The police are looking for a man with one eye." "Typical inefficiency!"

And then there was the cannibal who grilled his mother-in-law at the wedding reception.

And then there was the cannibal who had chronic indigestion, because he kept eating people who disagreed with him."

"Where will I catch a number 27 bus?" "Right in the back of the neck, if you don't step off the pavement."

"How long will the next bus be?" "Thirty-two foot six inches."

"There's a man at the door with a nasty look on his face." "Tell him I've already got one."

"The invisible man's at the door." "Tell him I can't see him today."

Correction: The cannibal TOASTED his mother-in-law at the wedding reception. Makes much better sense.

[Mikilt]

The old composer could only write in 3/4 time.

He had waltztimers disease.

[Blupiper]

Many years ago, I came across a book with the title "The World's Worst Jokes". A few have stuck in my mind:-



And then there was the cannibal who grilled his mother-in-law at the wedding reception.

And then there was the cannibal who had chronic indigestion, because he kept eating people who disagreed with him."

These always remind me of a Robin Williams joke: "Two cannibals are boiling up a clown and one turns to the other:
'does this taste funny to you?'"

JMB

[MNlad]

The clown happened to be named Douglas. One of the cannibals looked at the other and said, "You want to eat in or go out for McDonald's."

[Mikilt]

These always remind me of a Robin Williams joke: "Two cannibals are boiling up a clown and one turns to the other:
'does this taste funny to you?'"

JMB

Two crows on a perch. One says, "Do you smell fish?"

Two goldfish in a tank. One says, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

[Mikilt]

A weeknight is a tiny nobleman.

[MNlad]

Once upon a time the kingdom of Camelot found itself under attack by a neighboring king. Arthur called his knights together and told them to be ready to ride within the hour. Well, at that time the royal stable was short on houses and five knights were left without mounts, so the king ordered that his Irish Wolfhounds be saddled. Unfortunately he only had four hounds and Lancelot was still left without a ride, which just wouldn't do.

"Isn't there something . . . anything . . . available?" bellowed Arthur. "I won't have one of my knights go into battle on foot like a common knave."

Hearing this, a courtier left and came back with the Queen's Corgi. Eying the Royal Mutt, Arthur shook his head and lamented, "I wouldn't even send a knight out on a dog like this!"

[bikercelt1]

Hearing this, a courtier left and came back with the Queen's Corgi. Eying the Royal Mutt, Arthur shook his head and lamented, "I wouldn't even send a knight out on a dog like this!"

That's not a pun, it's a shaggy dog story!

[MNlad]

Actually, it's a spoonerism, a related play on words. Pun it may not be, but this old dog hopes it doesn't make you flea this thread.

[bikercelt1]

Well plaid, Good Sir!