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[MacMillan of Rathdown]

Ya know, all of the advice you've been given about "go to the media, etc." has been offered by people who have nothing to loose if this turns out bad for you or your school. They won't have their prom canceled, they won't be turned away at the door, they will face no retribution for confronting your principal, they will not be branded as a trouble maker. In other words, if you follow their rabble rousing advice and things go south, you are the one who will take it in the neck, not them.

From what you've posted it looks as if you went through channels and had your request turned down. The basis for that refusal is as unknown to me as it is to everyone else who has offered their advice. For all any of us know yours may not have been the only request to wear "festive ethnic garb" and the school's decision is based solely on a desire to prevent the prom from being turned into a costume party. Not that it matters what was the basis of the decision. The die has been cast, your number didn't come up, and it's time to accept that the mature course of action is to acknowledge the fact that you won't go kilted to the prom, and get on with your life.

[davidlpope]

Ya know, all of the advice you've been given about "go to the media, etc." has been offered by people who have nothing to loose if this turns out bad for you or your school. They won't have their prom canceled, they won't be turned away at the door, they will face no retribution for confronting your principal, they will not be branded as a trouble maker. In other words, if you follow their rabble rousing advice and things go south, you are the one who will take it in the neck, not them.

From what you've posted it looks as if you went through channels and had your request turned down. The basis for that refusal is as unknown to me as it is to everyone else who has offered their advice. For all any of us know yours may not have been the only request to wear "festive ethnic garb" and the school's decision is based solely on a desire to prevent the prom from being turned into a costume party. Not that it matters what was the basis of the decision. The die has been cast, your number didn't come up, and it's time to accept that the mature course of action is to acknowledge the fact that you won't go kilted to the prom, and get on with your life.

I heartily endorse Scott's opinion, above. There will come a time when you are no longer in high school when you care wear anything you want to social events, including a kilt. Unfortunately, you're not there yet. Even then, there will be certain occasions or organizations where you don't get to call the shots and will have to abide by others' rules or not participate. So, it's a good lesson for future life.

Rent your tuxedo, even get a tartan vest to go with it if you like, but concentrate on spending time with your friends that night and enjoying the prom, instead of being focused on not wearing a kilt.

Cordially,

David

[DamnthePants]

Forgive me, as I don’t think anyone else will agree with me, but hey, its always good to see as many sided of the dice as possible before you roll it.

You really should think about the ROE of your action. ROE stands for Return of Energy. In short, the idea is that you should always do actions that maximize your return of energy. When we apply it to this situation; Sure, you could petition the PTA, have the students sign something saying its ok, you could inform the media and they could have a field day with it; maybe even get your face in the local paper, claim he is being racist because he used the word loincloth ( which, on a personal note, I don’t think he is, because what else do you call a cloth that goes over the loins? A Knee length Frontal crotch garment?)) But in the end, is any of that worth it?(*There is no right answer here, its depends on if it is, or if it isn’t; for me its not)

What is Prom but 1 night celebrating 4 years of a school that your going to most likely end up forgetting about anyway? For me, High school was not that important. Sure, it was fun, but a year into college; I realized just how insignificant any of the events there had on my life.

Ask your self, is this really that important? Figure out the answer. Then Ask your self the question once more. Then when you are absolutely positive that you know the answer, ask your self the question one more time.

[NewGuise]

Ask your self, is this really that important? Figure out the answer. Then Ask your self the question once more. Then when you are absolutely positive that you know the answer, ask your self the question one more time.

Ask yourself, yes, repeatedly. But ask others, too. Ultimately, because this is a big event for many, annually, this is not and cannot be just about you. Given that you have been asking us our opinions, here on XMarks, I presume that you have been asking your parents, friends, and perhaps even a teacher or two. Are they supportive? Do they think you should wear a kilt? Do you have any younger friends at the school who might be interested in wearing a kilt (or some other ‘ethnic’ garb) to their prom when the time comes, and who might benefit from your struggle even if you ultimately do not?

I had a tendency when I was younger to bow to authority unless others were involved: had I been in your position in high school, I’d likely just have given up right away; had a friend been in your position, I’d have gone into full battle mode, garnering support on his behalf, going to press, doing whatever it took to let him go to the prom kilted. What I didn’t get, back then, was that by avoiding looking selfish – going to battle for others, not myself – I was often actually being selfish, thinking that my battles were just my own, for and about me. I let others down who were rooting for me, or who desperately wanted the same things but were afraid or unable to fight for themselves.

This might not be a battle that you really want to fight, or that others want you to fight. But ask. We’re behind you, here. If others closer to you want you to fight, do it. If not, look sharp and have a good time in trousers. Wear tartan underwear, and smile.

[morrison]

You did right in your asking through proper channel to be approved. When turned down you still retain a right to appeal the decision.
I think there was a case a couple years ago, discussed here @ XMTS at great length covering a vast array of opinions. Gimme a day er so. I'll see what I can scare up in a thread search. Anyone here can do that also.

[longhuntr74]

I'm in the military...I live in a world of silly "rules". Yes it's a violation of your civil liberties to deny you your request. Yes, you could probably get a sensational news story out of it and potentially a lawsuit. But again, what are the reprecussions of doing so?

Much of the advice here reminds me of what we call "barracks lawyers" in the military...Soldiers that always want to give bad advice and support another's "cause" by quoting inane regulations that are superseded by other regulations or a Commander's outright authority. Most of the time these barracks lawyers lack respect for authority and are just trying to do anything they can to thumb their nose to the establishment.

I realize that being a military commander and a school principal are not direct corollaries, as a military commander has more authority over his organization and different authorities to authorize or prohibit many things that may not be regulated in the civilian world.

Why do I tell you all this? It's because I believe that part of being a responsible and mature adult is to pick and choose one's battles and principles. You have to decide what things you are willing to overlook and just comply with and which things you are willing to fall on your sword over "damn the consequences." If I recall correctly, you have previously said that you intend to have a good time at the prom, regardless of what you're wearing. If this is the case, complying with the Principal's decision and wearing a tux is probably your best option. If you feel that your principal and the establishment regularly violate students rights and want to choose this issue to make a stand...that's your call...but I'd be ready to demonstrate a strong Scottish lineage and a family tradition of wearing the kilt before trying to claim is as a violation of your ethnic heritage, etc. If you're like me with your closest Scottish relative being in the early 1800s, you'd have a hard time claiming that you are being discriminated against based on your ethnicity.

Just my $.02.

[davidlpope]

Why do I tell you all this? It's because I believe that part of being a responsible and mature adult is to pick and choose one's battles and principles. You have to decide what things you are willing to overlook and just comply with and which things you are willing to fall on your sword over "damn the consequences." If I recall correctly, you have previously said that you intend to have a good time at the prom, regardless of what you're wearing. If this is the case, complying with the Principal's decision and wearing a tux is probably your best option. If you feel that your principal and the establishment regularly violate students rights and want to choose this issue to make a stand...that's your call...but I'd be ready to demonstrate a strong Scottish lineage and a family tradition of wearing the kilt before trying to claim is as a violation of your ethnic heritage, etc. If you're like me with your closest Scottish relative being in the early 1800s, you'd have a hard time claiming that you are being discriminated against based on your ethnicity.

Great advice and eloquently said.

Also, good call on the "Sea Lawyer" comparison. Very apt.

Cordially,

David

[Alan H]

I guess you just have to figure out how much grief you want to go through, in order to wear a kilt to the prom. Do so, knowing that even if you start a major confrontation with the school district administration, in the end, you still may not be wearing a kilt to the prom.

Is it stupid that the principal is against it? Sure...sure it is. But he said "no" after being presented with respectful, logical arguments. Only you can decide if escalating the issue is worth the hassle.

[Bludongle]

After reading through all of these replies I have only one thing to add.

If you are looking to work in civil rights or law this is a perfect project to pad your resume with and put on a college application.

If, however, you are going into something like medicine or the auto mechanics industry then I would have my lovely tux slacks made from some random yet tasteful plaid and enjoy your prom.

Congrats on the making it through 4 years, BTW. It is an accomplishment.

[lethearen]

*** for MoR's camp.

My main thought here is college. I don't know if you intend to go or not; but if you are planning to attend a higher institution, you may need your principal's recommendation or that of someone else who may be reluctant after you chase this to the press. Wearing the kilt for one evening isn't worth jeapordizing that. Especially since by now it would just be to make a point, and the heritage aspect has begun to take a backseat to that point.

It sounds like you've handled everything very maturely. Respect the principal's ruling, especially if he treated you respectfully during your meeting.

There's more to your heritage that just wearing the kilt. It is just a piece of clothing, after all ;)

Who is the more foolish: the fool, or the man who argues with him?