A Dissapointing conversation

[gilmore]

I've noticed over the months I've posted and mostly lurked here that we kilt wearers are pretty varied lot. There are posters here from every hemisphere, various sexual preferences, most races, numerous religions and non-religious, but we do, in my opinion have one fundamental personality trait in common.

We are flamboyant.

In a good way, mostly, but more so than the average Gumby out there. When compared to our peers, I see this single personality trait - this commonality - as what leads us to be more amenable to kilting than others. Just my opinion, of course.

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Not me. I am happy to fade into the background, and feel most comfortable when invisible.

[Mr. Kilt]

I've basically started collecting various websites and sources of information on kilts and their appropriate wear, as well as a large collection of pics of both famous and not-so-famous people in all manner of kilted attire. After having a discussion about it with her I'm going to ask her to look through all of it with me.

In reality, some of the information points to her being correct. Not many people wear kilts, and most of them that do wear them for formal or celtic events. However the evidence is clear that casual kilt wearing, especially in North America is growing rapidly. Kilmen.com has a lot of really great stuff as well. Above all, the pictures tell the story. Pictures of a dozens of celebrities wearing kilts in both formal and casual fashion. That will say alot to her.

Have you found my personal web site yet? There's a link to my homepage in my sig line. Not quite as many photos as Hamish or Riverkilt's sites, but it will give her an idea of what another local guy is doing.

Eventually, I plan to wear it out and ask her to just come with me for a couple hours and see what people's reactions are. When she sees that they are positive (or that most people really could care less), hopefully she will feel better about it.

This worked wonders for my wife. Once she realized that very few people noticed, and those who did made favorable comments, she was more at ease with my kilt wearing. Now she expects me to wear them!

[Canadian_Kilt]

Continuous great advice! Unfortunately the last couple days have been very busy (She's hosting a corporate gathering tonight) so we haven't had a chance to talk much about it. But we both mentioned it today and the fact that we need to discuss it. I'm not all that worried. She's a huge worrier, and tends to go off the deep end a little without thinking about things, and then comes back to reality a short time later. In other words, by the end of last night she probably had come to the conclusion that I was a gay cross-dresser and leaving her for another man .. but tommorrow night when we really get to try and sort this out, it will have become just something a bit odd that she doesn't know how to deal with.

[Blu (Ontario)]

.... I'm having difficulties with my significant other regarding kilts.

As have many of us... me included.

... I intend to wear them occasionally, and for special occasions. So while I don't want to wear them every day, I certainly expect there will be days when I just feel like wearing one, and will....

You have just as much right to do this as she does. I'll bet, just as my own wife does, wears what she wants when she wants just because she can and because she feels like it.

...WHY I want to wear a kilt has more to do with respect for my family and a display of my heritage than anything.. etc.

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Everyone has a slightly different approach to this. I suggest that one set of reasons for wearing a kilt is as valid as another. I believe this is something for the individual kilt wearer to determine... nobody else.

... she feels that they are meant for formal occasions only,

WRONG!

And a common misunderstanding! A kilt is not formal wear. It's a garment that covers the lower body just as a pair of trousers does. It can be worn with a shirt, tie, and dress jacket just as a pair of trousers can. It can also be worn with a sweater and a leather jacket just as a pair of trousers can.

... Some of this was very hurtful...

Of course it was. Her goal is to make disuade you from continuing. This is only as effective as you allow it to be.

... being concerned about my mental health for thinking about wearing one on any regular basis.

Another hollow slight. How about challenging her with the same crap because she like to wear blue jeans alot. Let's cut the crap and be adult about this.

... "It's basically a costume" she says. Basically thinks it would be embarrasing to be with me when I was wearing it.

This is much closer to the meat of it. Much of the concern has to do with what others will think - esp. family and friends.

... People that wear them every day just want to stand out and be different.

But you don't want to wear them every day. Neither do I. For those that do... that's their business.

... I was very shocked, and obviously not very happy to hear.

I know the drill. I've been through a few direct and sometimes blunt discussions. I've been through all of the warped logic, half truths, circular reasoning, dead-end debates, silly skirt remarks, pouting, silent treatment, and non sequiturs.


I finally laid it on the line with a set of basic ground rules:

-It is my right to wear a kilt whenever and wherever I choose to do so.

-Except that-

-I will not wear a kilt to functions primarily involving her friends, her family or her work colleagues unless she agrees to it.

-I will wear the kilt respectfully and properly as befits the occasion and

-I will reciprocate by being respectfull of her choice of attire.

She agreed.



blu

[Scott Gilmore]

Not me. I am happy to fade into the background, and feel most comfortable when invisible.

Oh, horse poo.

:)

Flamboyant: marked by or given to strikingly elaborate or colorful display or behavior

Have you ever worn a kilt in public?

Heck, even if the answer is no, you're one of the standouts here, and I'm not just saying that because of the name. You're right in it, and I mean that in the best sense.

Bear in mind, flamboyant people are generally sharper than the people around them. Think of your favorite author, the most admired General, the greatest politician, Nobel winners, etc. Wilde, you say? Does the name Patton come to mind right off? Ghandi was a reasonably adept politician that certain had some admirable qualities. I think Muhammad Yunus' (certainly eminently deserving of the recognition) flamboyance is a characteristic that enabled him not only to accomplish what he has for others, but also to be recognized for what he's done, thus increasing the efficacy of his ideas.

There are very few wallflowers posting to this forum.

[Dirk Skene]

You might say something like, "Many guys felt the same way when their wives started wearing pants back in the 1970's."

Good point Rigged! I think I will at least try that.

[Red Lioness]

It's very sad that a woman cannot appreciate the fact that her man likes to wear something sharp, even in casual day to day affairs. Most people these days like to dress like they just came from the gym and it's hard to find someone who takes pride in thier appearance. I remember walking into a shoe store and asking for dancing shoes and being shown pink and yellow sneakers. Oh yeah, I'd look snazzy doing a tango in those. :rolleyes:

My experience in public kilted in noticably different, because hey, a woman in a 'skirt' is no biggie. I get a much bigger reaction when I go 'kimono-ing' in public. Different clothing, same concept. Strangers love it, I get tons of comments on how beautiful and elegant they are, whether I'm headed to a corporate gathering in a silk tomesode or standing in front of the local Wal-Mart in my favorite blue yukata.

My family, however, reacts differently. My mother, who loves men in kilts (and she's single btw), calls my kimono wearing 'dressing up' and definitely categorizes it as 'special occasion wear'. My ex-husband went nuts for my kimono when we were around the house (I think it was the ever so handy vents under the arms ) but saw them as a costume.

Overcoming this resistance from friends and loved ones is part of dressing differently. You'll get more attention from strangers and some (or most) of your friends and family don't want extra attention. They're going to try to discourage that attention by discouraging the source of it: your kilt/kimono/whatever).

Be strong, my brother! Stand up for yourself and your right to wear what you like!

P.S. I know everyone's probably sick about hearing about my kimono, but I've yet to find a kimono forum filled with such fine people as this board, so you're stuck with me.

[Dreadbelly]

It's very sad that a woman cannot appreciate the fact that her man likes to wear something sharp, even in casual day to day affairs. Most people these days like to dress like they just came from the gym and it's hard to find someone who takes pride in thier appearance. I remember walking into a shoe store and asking for dancing shoes and being shown pink and yellow sneakers. Oh yeah, I'd look snazzy doing a tango in those. :rolleyes:

My experience in public kilted in noticably different, because hey, a woman in a 'skirt' is no biggie. I get a much bigger reaction when I go 'kimono-ing' in public. Different clothing, same concept. Strangers love it, I get tons of comments on how beautiful and elegant they are, whether I'm headed to a corporate gathering in a silk tomesode or standing in front of the local Wal-Mart in my favorite blue yukata.

My family, however, reacts differently. My mother, who loves men in kilts (and she's single btw), calls my kimono wearing 'dressing up' and definitely categorizes it as 'special occasion wear'. My ex-husband went nuts for my kimono when we were around the house (I think it was the ever so handy vents under the arms ) but saw them as a costume.

Overcoming this resistance from friends and loved ones is part of dressing differently. You'll get more attention from strangers and some (or most) of your friends and family don't want extra attention. They're going to try to discourage that attention by discouraging the source of it: your kilt/kimono/whatever).

Be strong, my brother! Stand up for yourself and your right to wear what you like!

P.S. I know everyone's probably sick about hearing about my kimono, but I've yet to find a kimono forum filled with such fine people as this board, so you're stuck with me.

Heck, I'd go out in public with you whilst wearing a kimono. So long as you didn't mind if I wore a hakama with it. I'll be durned if I can find the little wooden sandles any place in my size though. My wife likes to look at kimonos, but I doubt she would actually wear one out of the house.

[Scott Gilmore]

... I'll be durned if I can find the little wooden sandles any place in my size though. ...

The Japanese Geta Shop.
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[McClef]

I have to agree with Scott.

Unless you are in a crowd of other kilties you are definitely going against the grain when you are the only one walking around in one.

Yesterday I was heckled by a woman saying I looked like a woman so I was able to point out that she was wearing trousers so what did that make her?

Fortunately I have found such comments to be rare but if she had seen me in trousers she would not have given me a second thought.

When you are different in your attire you stand out, you are larger than life and you challenge people's preconceptions.