Ok, I'm just gonna ask....

[Woodsman]

I have found in the short period of time that I have been kilted, that the sporran and the tartan combined, create a sort of natural "camoflage"

This is true. Things that go thump in the night are way more visible under a solid colored kilt. Ah...now I know why so many prefer the traditional tartans over the casual kilts!

[jkane]

When it happens, my wife is the only one who's noticed, or at least she is the only one to have made comments about it. I just walk proud and act like it's supposed to look like that!

[Tony]

Margaret Thatcher always does the trick for me.
Your results may vary.

[wildrover]

Echoing what Steve said...wear it around the house, in the garage, to the gas station, then to the hardware store...expand your kilt-wearing experience gradually. You'll find you get used to it pretty quick (and honestly, this is nothing of a problem compared to the consternation you may feel the first time you need to torque a moonfish while kilted).

The sporran helps. This might be a perfect excuse to get a horsehair sporran with a trick metal cantle, in case you don't have a pretty girl handy to camouflage the condition .

-Sean

[KiltedCodeWarrior]

Hilarious thread. Great for a morning read.

In regards to the actual question (not THE question of course), the sporran has always done the job for me. And when I am wearing a non-trad, I find that the aprons usually are enough, especially with the snaps on the front of a UK to contain the beast!

[McFarkus]

I echo the need for a well-stocked sporran.

Prick yourself with the kilt pin. Your problem should go away.

So, THAT'S what kilt pins are for!

Edit: Hey! I just became a Kilted Samurai! HYAH!!!! *dork* lol

If you have no life (like some of us) you will progress swiftly in the ranks.

I have to use a very very very large sporran

You might also try a military cut kilt - it adds an extra 4" (LOL). If you need a significantly larger than normal sporran, Turpin has been known to make them to size.

[dtandthekilt]

I have found that the sporan takes the place of folding your hands and putting them between your legs somewhat while sitting down to push the kilt down enough so that the public can't say you are sitting in an indecent position. After a while you may find that you don't even think about it because you will be used to wearing the kilt. If I were in a nudist camp the first few days would be challenging. After that it would be the "same old thing". The first time I wore my kilt was challeging also. Hope this helps.

[piperdbh]

If I were in a nudist camp the first few days would be challenging.

Wouldn't wearing a kilt in a nudist camp break some of the rules?

There's a hole in the fence at the local nudist colony. Police are looking into it.

[Bigkahuna]

"Torque a Moonfish"????????????

[SoulFyre777]

"Torque a Moonfish"????????????

Yeah, that one was lost on me too....