Denied

**Minnow** · 23rd February 09, 09:18 AM

I was planning to go to a friend's wedding kilted. I had asked beforehand to make certain it was okay. Everything was fine until recently I was told I am one of the groomsmen and I would have to wear a rented tux.

Bummer, it would have been my first "formal" kilted event.

**Zardoz** · 23rd February 09, 09:26 AM

Well, you can change after the photos .

**Minnow** · 23rd February 09, 09:41 AM

I probably will, provided the bride has no issues.

**1MUNK3** · 23rd February 09, 09:46 AM

Always remember you gotta make sure the brides O.K. with it. It's her big day afterall. After pics, I don't see why you couldn't get kilted for the reception. I'm sure it would spark a lot of memorable pics and set the party a swinging

.

**thescot** · 23rd February 09, 10:09 AM

Guess it's a matter of whether you have issues, I guess, with someone telling you what ot wear on your own time.

Personally, I don't care for the modern habit of trying to make everyone lok like they're in livery or something by dressing everyone alike. It smacks of trying to imitate what the royals or "rich folk" wear. It's OK, and Lord knows most of the folks in my own family have done just that (even me 30-something years ago), but there's just no point unless you are in the business of renting tuxedoes and selling dresses.

And besides, I read in a ladies' magazine lately (while waiting in the doctor's office) that the new thing for those who really are wealthy is to dress everyone differently. Everybody just wears a nice outfit. . . . king of like when my mother and dad married in 1942.

**Zardoz** · 23rd February 09, 10:15 AM

Originally Posted by Minnow

I probably will, provided the bride has no issues.

This always comes up when weddings are discussed, and to be honest I don't get it!
If I am not a member of the wedding party proper, as a guest I will dress appropriately for the time and venue. This was true before I started wearing kilts all the time as well. I have never felt the need to ask the bride's (who has enough to worry about) or anyone else's permission to dress in my usual manner. Do you think the wildly inapproprately dressed folks who always seem to show up asked if it was OK to wear their tube-tops, shorts and crocs?

**macwilkin** · 23rd February 09, 10:30 AM

Originally Posted by Zardoz

This always comes up when weddings are discussed, and to be honest I don't get it!
If I am not a member of the wedding party proper, as a guest I will dress appropriately for the time and venue. This was true before I started wearing kilts all the time as well. I have never felt the need to ask the bride's (who has enough to worry about) or anyone else's permission to dress in my usual manner. Do you think the wildly inapproprately dressed folks who always seem to show up asked if it was OK to wear their tube-tops, shorts and crocs?

Because the folks who show up in the dress described above do not take into account that they might attract the attention of the other guests, rather than on the bride and groom, who should be the focus of the day. A gentleman, however, would take that into consideration and ask the bride and groom, since it is "their" day.

Regards,

Todd

**Panache** · 23rd February 09, 10:50 AM

Originally Posted by Zardoz

...If I am not a member of the wedding party proper, as a guest I will dress appropriately for the time and venue. This was true before I started wearing kilts all the time as well. I have never felt the need to ask the bride's (who has enough to worry about) or anyone else's permission to dress in my usual manner.

Originally Posted by cajunscot

Because the folks who show up in the dress described above do not take into account that they might attract the attention of the other guests, rather than on the bride and groom, who should be the focus of the day. A gentleman, however, would take that into consideration and ask the bride and groom, since it is "their" day.

Zardoz and Todd,

I think that the difference in your views (i.e. contacting the bride or not about wearing a kilt to her wedding) has to do with how often you wear your kilt.

Todd is a snappy kilted dresser, but wears his highland attire for special occasions, while from what I surmise Zardoz (who is also a snappy dresser*) wears his on a more regular basis.

So for Todd to wear highland attire to a wedding as a guest would not be expected while for Zardoz it would.

Therefore it is appropriate for Todd to ask the bride just as it is appropriate for Zardoz not to worry about it.

I think this explains the differing views, neither is wrong.

If I was asked to be a guest of a wedding I wouldn't think to ask the bride if it was OK for me to wear Highland attire because any friend or relative would know I wear kilts on a regular basis.

Cheers

Jamie

* we will skip mentioning the flat caps

**macwilkin** · 23rd February 09, 11:01 AM

Originally Posted by Panache

Zardoz and Todd,

I think that the difference in your views (i.e. contacting the bride or not about wearing a kilt to her wedding) has to do with how often you wear your kilt.

Todd is a snappy kilted dresser, but wears his highland attire for special occasions, while from what I surmise Zardoz (who is also a snappy dresser*) wears his on a more regular basis.

So for Todd to wear highland attire to a wedding as a guest would not be expected while for Zardoz it would.

Therefore it is appropriate for Todd to ask the bride just as it is appropriate for Zardoz not to worry about it.

I this explains the differing views, neither is wrong.

If I was asked to be a guest of a wedding I wouldn't think to ask the bride if it was OK for me to wear Highland attire because any friend or relative would know I wear kilts on a regular basis.

Cheers

Jamie

* we will skip mentioning the flat caps

I can see that, Jamie. Well said.

T.

**Zardoz** · 23rd February 09, 11:02 AM

Originally Posted by cajunscot

Because the folks who show up in the dress described above do not take into account that they might attract the attention of the other guests, rather than on the bride and groom, who should be the focus of the day. A gentleman, however, would take that into consideration and ask the bride and groom, since it is "their" day.

Regards,

Todd

With respect, I tend to disagree. As I stated, unless I am a member of the wedding party where a particular type of dress is required during the ceremony, my duty 'as a gentleman' , or should I say 'kilt wearing gentleman' after the ceremony or as a guest is to dress appropriately for the time, venue and type of event. In my case this dress will include a kilt, as I actually no longer own a "saxon" suit (one that fits anyway), and anyone I know won't be surprised to see it.

I think this belief among kilt wearing folks that wearing one's kilt to a wedding, at least one where the groom and his attendants not also kilted, will somehow draw too much attention away from the bride and groom, means that one might still view the kilt as a eccentric costume rather than acceptable mens clothing.