First funeral coming up

**Graham** · 2nd November 05, 12:49 AM

I've never been to a funeral kilted, but I have one coming up on Friday.
A 23 y/o lass I've known since she was a baby was killed as her car went out of control a short distance from our home.

It promises to be a very sad funeral and I'm not looking forward to it.

I don't really want to stand out from the crowd, but since I don't have trousers to wear I shall wear a kilt. I'm thinking Black Watch may be suitable with a charcoal grey jacket.
No doubt some will be expecting me to play the pipes at the funeral :-(

**Freelander Sporrano** · 2nd November 05, 01:37 AM

Sory to read this Graham. Funerals are always difficult.Especially as the person was so young.

I attended my first Funeral (Eli's Aunty) a few months back. I wore my Moderen Gunn with that jacket I purchased in Inverness and white shirt and Black tie. Cream Hose. Eveyone noticed ,no one said anything.

**auld argonian** · 2nd November 05, 10:03 AM

Boy, you touch on something that was a sore subject with me before I even became interested in kilts. I hope that it's different in other parts of the world but the standard of dress displayed at wakes and funerals here in Chicago has fallen below what could be considered appropriate.

I'm sure that you, Graham, are known as the "man in kilts" in your social circles and that your dress won't be considered inapproprite at all. As far as some folks mistaking you for a bagpiper who's part of the funeral services, I'm sure that you'll be able to respectfully explain that this is not the case.

My condolences on the loss of your friend.

best

AA

**GMan** · 2nd November 05, 10:19 AM

Graham,

You hit the nail on the head about funerals and not wanting to stand out. It is hard to prepare yourself.

Yes people do know you as the kilted gentleman, and it sounds as if you are wearing a proper kilt and accesories.

I have been to several funerals kilted and as of yet no one has asked if I were to play the bagpipes. In fact many people have said that it is a distinct honor to have me wear a kilt.

**Riverkilt** · 2nd November 05, 11:34 AM

Sad stuff my friend,

Those that know you certainly expect you kilted.

What you wear will come from a place of honor for her.

**Prester John** · 2nd November 05, 11:47 AM

Dressing up is never inappropriate for a funeral. It is a way of showing respect and love for the departed and their kin. Just be sure it is not your "ordinary" kilt and outfit. Then, you are just doing the equivalent of wearing jeans.

Dressing for the occasion is showing honor.

Ask any clergyman - we all lament the shabby t-shirts and faded jeans we constantly see at baptisms, weddings and funerals. Milestone events in life, treated like a trip to the store.

Even funeral directors, who have often made their "funeral homes" into "funeral cathedrals" are now lamenting the loss of respect for the funeral ritual - and the income for them that goes with it.

I am so sorry about your friend.

May God be merciful to her soul, and may her soul dwell with the righteous.

**Mike n NC** · 2nd November 05, 02:49 PM

Originally Posted by Graham

I've never been to a funeral kilted, but I have one coming up on Friday.
A 23 y/o lass I've known since she was a baby was killed as her car went out of control a short distance from our home.

It promises to be a very sad funeral and I'm not looking forward to it.

I don't really want to stand out from the crowd, but since I don't have trousers to wear I shall wear a kilt. I'm thinking Black Watch may be suitable with a charcoal grey jacket.
No doubt some will be expecting me to play the pipes at the funeral :-(

My condolences Graham and my heartfelt thoughts and prayers go out to the family. Losing a loved one is never easy, the loss of one so young is even harder.

Let me pass on something I was told by an elder matron of my family as I was expressing my concerns over what to wear to a funeral. My problem was not having something formal enough but that nothing I owned was of somber colour. She told me to be the bright spot for everyone that day, to brighten up what is normally a dull and somber gathering and that many would be thankful for it. (It was a white suit, blue shirt and charcoal tie.) I did and she was right, I was complimented and thanked by almost everyone there including the preacher. Years later I'm still remembered and a great number have started changing the way they dress also.

I'm not advocating bright colours or clashing outfits but some colour, or in this case your kilt, worn apropriately will be no more out of place than, say, a black suit and tie. Your choices sound very good and perhaps you will be remembered as the "bright spot" in an otherwise sad day.

Mike

**flyv65** · 2nd November 05, 03:09 PM

Our condolences to your friends, Graham.

I might be out of line with tradition in this case, but I don't see how wearing your best clothes (whether suit, trousers and jacket, or kilt) to see off some you respect, cherish, and/or admire can be seen as anything but a sign of that respect and affection.

Bryan...Do you really think it will be an issue? Should you check with the family?

**Graham** · 2nd November 05, 03:55 PM

Thanks Mike, good point, we've shared here before as to how liberating the colour of a kilt is in a sea of grey or black suits, personally, I don't like the tradition of black at funerals.

My funeral will be a joyous affair, lots of colour, pipes, drums and laughter.
Why not? I'm confident of a better place!

Of course, I can't make that choice for other funerals, but your point is well taken.

**Blu (Ontario)** · 2nd November 05, 04:14 PM

Graham, I think your choice of attire would be quite appropriate. I think the subdued colors of the Black Watch should work well. At the funeral I attended a couple of weeks ago, the family of the deceased thanked me for wearing a kilt and showing such respect. I replied that it was the least I could do.

A tragic loss for family and friends...
Best wishes

blu