Christmas Party for work.

**Frank McGrath** · 19th December 11, 09:58 AM

Friday night, my wife and I attended the company christmas party at a large catering hall here in town. It went very well. I wore a suit instead of the kilt that I have worn to the last three parties. A lot ofr people asked why no kilt. I just said that I wanted to do something different. When the door prizes were given out, I won a blueray player. I went up to collect my prize and have my picture taken with the Boss. Later on, after we had decided to leave, my wife informed me that one of the people at my table said something nasty as I went up. He made a remark involving my wearing of kilts and a sexual remark. I have not been able to sleep since I was told of this. I am livid. I have to work with this guy every day. He is young (21) and I am old enough to be his grandfather. He has tried to get me fired in the past. He is the shop bully.
This afternoon, I have decided to seek counsel from our HR director. The only thing I want is a public apology. I don't want to see him fired. (bad time to be fired). But, he must apologise to my wife.

**Panache** · 19th December 11, 10:07 AM

Frank,

It is appropriate to talk to your HR director as this was a work function and employees should not be allowed to make inappropriate or discriminating remarks as it would constitute a hostile work environment. Ask for their help in resolving the issue.

Inside you have to accept that some people are just bullies, most often because they are outwardly directing their own insecurities and ignorance. You can hate them but they really deserve your pity.

Save for this one incident it sounds like a splendid (though kiltless) evening and you should remember that part instead of the nasty slight of a disappointed young bully who has yet to discover what being a man really is.

Cheers

Jamie

**auld argonian** · 19th December 11, 10:24 AM

Sad that so many young people seem to think that they can just blurt out any insult thinking that it makes them look clever or superior in some way. I even catch my own son, who I thought that I had brought up with a little more empathy, being nasty in that way...it's a big disappointment. Going out and about in the kilt, one now expects to get some kind of verbal harangue from some teenage or twenty-something "wit". I have heard that there's some chemical in the brain that stops rational people from just saying whatever they think without any consideration...I am told that this chemical is either lacking or in low supply in small children, old people on the due of senility and Tourette's sufferers. Apparently, it's also absent in the "younger set"...I'm not sure how this came to happen...over-exposure to video games...hormones in the hamburgers...perhaps we will only find out for sure when we can get some samples of these unfortunates' brain tissue.

Interesting, too, that this type of bullying in the workplace seems to pass for some kind of admirable business quality of aggressiveness and take-no-****-edness and is sometimes encouraged in some corporate structures where they have completely misunderstood the intricacy and subtlety of the theories of Charles Darwin. Remember, guys, that it is not always the strong who survive but rather the most adaptable. Perhaps your young man is suffering from an excess of testosterone and might benefit from the same procedure that is performed on intransigent male kitty-cats.

Maintain your dignity and maturity. Not the time to be livid; rather, it's the time to be smart. Aren't you glad that this was a company function and you have some recourse through your HR department? Don't hesitate to let them know because it's not improbable that this sort of conduct is an isolated incident and once a pattern of this kind of behavior is made apparent, management would be prudent to take some action before it puts the company in a bad situation.

I don't know, though. As I said earlier, some companies like to have these kind of little shits working for them and think that their nastiness is some kind of asset...aye, right.

Best

AA

**Frank McGrath** · 19th December 11, 11:23 AM

Thanks. Your comments are well taken.

I keep my lividity well hidden. I go home, get a BFH and wail away on a pitiful piece of metal.

**LANCER1562** · 19th December 11, 11:35 AM

Originally Posted by Frank McGrath

I keep my lividity well hidden. I go home, get a BFH and wail away on a pitiful piece of metal.

And pretend that it's the little jerk's head.

**fingertrouble** · 19th December 11, 12:20 PM

*sigh* I can guess the type of remark...

About the age thing, a lot of the time it's not thinking and a certain laddish approach to difference and yes it tends to be the 20 year old males; I've stopped people in places I'm working even as a freelance when they spout the insulting 'That's gay!' - as in gay meaning bad, rather than the very old meaning which is definitely archaic (if they were meaning happy or bright I'd be fine with that ;-).

I've found a reversal of 'that's SO straight' seems to shut them up sharpish...but yeah, having been bullied at work in the past it's a hard one. HR can be a good source of help, or hindrance it depends on how good they are.

And comments to spouses is way out of line, and as most workplaces have strict rules about diversity he's probably fallen foul of those too (even as an aside) - even if it's in jest homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or sexually crude jokes or statements have no place in the workplace (I dunno which this falls into, and am not asking as i doubt you want to repeat it.)

**BobsYourUncle** · 19th December 11, 12:56 PM

Originally Posted by Panache

Frank,

It is appropriate to talk to your HR director as this was a work function and employees should not be allowed to make inappropriate or discriminating remarks as it would constitute a hostile work environment. Ask for their help in resolving the issue.

Inside you have to accept that some people are just bullies, most often because they are outwardly directing their own insecurities and ignorance. You can hate them but they really deserve your pity.

Save for this one incident it sounds like a splendid (though kiltless) evening and you should remember that part instead of the nasty slight of a disappointed young bully who has yet to discover what being a man really is.

Cheers

Jamie

Hear! Hear!

**Meggers** · 19th December 11, 01:01 PM

Oh my...that is not ok. I am completely annoyed by the simple fact that this little punk would say something, not only about someone who is his senior, but also to that persons wife! That is rudeness of the lowest kind. Be thankful that you were brought up to know better and this little sh*t apparently doesn't. That comment only shows his immaturity and lack of respect.

Unfortunately, being 'mean' is the latest thing. Just take a look at what our kids are watching these days. Look at their toys. "Brat" dolls, tv shows were the cool girls are shallow and cruel...even my little sisters fall victim to this sometimes. Being "cool" means being "mean" and it's such a sad sad thing.

**dutchy kilted** · 19th December 11, 01:02 PM

I find it amusing that he waited until you were no longer at the table to make a disparaging remark about you.

Obviously he was concerned about your reaction might be if you heard him say it, so it sounds like he is in fear of you. (Must be the kilt.)

Keep his feet to the fire, especially since he insulted your wife.

**Meggers** · 19th December 11, 01:09 PM

Originally Posted by dutchy kilted

I find it amusing that he waited until you were no longer at the table to make a disparaging remark about you.

Obviously he was concerned about your reaction might be if you heard him say it, so it sounds like he is in fear of you. (Must be the kilt.)

Keep his feet to the fire, especially since he insulted your wife.

exactly. The guy got brave when you walked away. Ask him to repeat his comment to your face and watch his words stutter away.