What am I doing wrong?

[Cynthia]

I think that your mother in law is too hasty. If you had "a problem" when wearing your kilt, then the first thing somebody should have done was to have a quiet word in your ear. This person should have one of those who were flashed ( if that is in fact the case), or your mother in law herself. You could then have made whatever alterations to your posture that were necessary. To simply say ( and this was to your wife, not to you personally !) that you were banned from wearing the kilt, is just draconian.

I am not convinced that you have caused a problem. I think there is something objectionable in your mother in law.

I have to admit, that was my thought when I read your story. I guess I just don't understand the knee jerk reaction some folks have of "OH MY GOSH, I saw something I shouldn't have and am SOOOOO offended" instead of very simply saying (most likely to your wife) "uhh, dear? Could you possibly speak to your husband that he might need to be a little more careful with how he sits? I/we've been seeing a little too much of him... I just wanted to let you know" and then oh.... I don't know... making an effort to not look for the possibility of being flashed? If I think I'm about to get flashed by anyone other than my husband, I look away.

The fact that you've been banned from wearing the kilt outright does make me think there's a lot more to this than simply being flashed.

Then again, I don't know the situation or the people involved. I can of course only go by how I would react to actually being flashed (more than a simple occasional mistake, I would probably only really say something if I got flashed constantly by someone).

I agree that you should speak with your wife. Possibly test out how you sit, recreating any situations that might have been causing a the supposed exposure and see if she can see something. Keep in mind, if someone is really looking for it, they will probably see it, so try to be casual about it (both of you).

And then discuss with her what you should do about the situation.

Good luck with this.