First funeral coming up

[flyv65]

Our condolences to your friends, Graham.

I might be out of line with tradition in this case, but I don't see how wearing your best clothes (whether suit, trousers and jacket, or kilt) to see off some you respect, cherish, and/or admire can be seen as anything but a sign of that respect and affection.

Bryan...Do you really think it will be an issue? Should you check with the family?

[Graham]

Thanks Mike, good point, we've shared here before as to how liberating the colour of a kilt is in a sea of grey or black suits, personally, I don't like the tradition of black at funerals.

My funeral will be a joyous affair, lots of colour, pipes, drums and laughter.
Why not? I'm confident of a better place!

Of course, I can't make that choice for other funerals, but your point is well taken.

[Blu (Ontario)]

Graham, I think your choice of attire would be quite appropriate. I think the subdued colors of the Black Watch should work well. At the funeral I attended a couple of weeks ago, the family of the deceased thanked me for wearing a kilt and showing such respect. I replied that it was the least I could do.

A tragic loss for family and friends...
Best wishes

blu

[Big Paul]

My funeral will be a joyous affair, lots of colour, pipes, drums and laughter. Why not?

I'm with you on that one Graham! Celebrate the life, don't mourn the death!

[KiltedCodeWarrior]

Graham,

I have been avoiding this thread all day due to a personal loss for us of a well loved family memeber only 45 years old earlier this year. However, I would like to add my own sentiments that whatever you wear, the important thing is that you show up to respect the life of the one who has passed. The person in question was my brother in law and he was well liked by all. He worked in the construction industry, and many of his co-workers would have been hard pressed to come up with a suit of any kind. However, they, and many others, turned out for his viewing and funeral. The point is not what you wear, but the fact that you are there. Many of these fine people had to come straight from work (his company was gracious enough to let many people leave work to come to the funeral), but showed respect to him by showing up. I know that others have said that some formality has been lost recently at funerals, but I have to say that I don't believe that how one dresses for the event is as important as showing up, and my sister-in-law who lost her husband would agree. Her husband was so well liked and loved that the viewing was standing room only. There was a whole range of dress, from myself in a double breasted dark suit to his co-workers straight from work in jeans and t-shirts.

I think that I am rambling and that was not my intent, but I am still coming to grips with our loss. My intent was to provide confidence to you Graham (if you needed it) to wear what you will and attend to show your support. What you are wearing will be much less important than showing up and expressing your love and support for the ones who are left.

If you are not concerned what people wear to your funeral (because realistically, it won't affect you at that point), don't dwell too much on what you wear to this one. Dress in a manner that YOU feel shows respect to the departed (no that is not self centered, just think about it for a minute), and you WILL be showing your respect.

Peace and best wishes during this difficult time.

[Graham]

I hear what you're saying KCW, and as I said, were this not a kilt site I wouldn't be discussing the attire with anyone.

I agree, it is of little concern, except that I would not want to cause any offense, which is unlikely to happen.

The mother is coming to my office in half an hour, I'm helping here with a visual presentation at the funeral, I'll have a chance to ensure her "blessing" on my kiltwearing - after all, she is the important one in all this.

[KiltedCodeWarrior]

I hear what you're saying KCW, and as I said, were this not a kilt site I wouldn't be discussing the attire with anyone.

I agree, it is of little concern, except that I would not want to cause any offense, which is unlikely to happen.

The mother is coming to my office in half an hour, I'm helping here with a visual presentation at the funeral, I'll have a chance to ensure her "blessing" on my kiltwearing - after all, she is the important one in all this.

See, you did not need our advice, you already knew whose opinion meant the most. You are who you are, but sensitive enough to recognize that your wardrobe might not fit with others notions in some situations, and are willing to consider their feelings and make accomodations if you necessary. I think we all face those experiences/choies every day, they just are not always so drastic/severe/emotional. None of us are equipped to deal with the death of somebody we know.

[Graham]

As I said in one of Dereks' posts, I met with the mother today. I checked with her that she was happy for me to have me come kilted, I explained that I don't possess any trousers.

In short, she said that she doesn't even notice my kilt or think about it and that she doesn't regard kiltwearing as anywhere near eccentric.

ie - it's a non-issue for the person that is most important in the event. All good news and problem solved (not that it was a problem).

Best of all, I was able to help her prepare the visual presentation for the funeral, have a chat with her with my wife, and we were able to offer her some measure of comfort and love.

It's not right that a child should die before the parents, but, sadly, it happens.

My wife bought me a black tie to wear with the kilt also, I doubt whether there will be any piccies coming and....the jacket I bought for my daughters wedding is going to be worn first at a funeral...strange...

[davedove]

It would seem to me that as long as the tartan is not too outlandish, it would very appropriate. Unless of course the colorful tartan was your family tartan or the tartan of the family of the deceased, which would then again make it appropriate. I don't think you'll have any problems Graham, especially since the mother is okay with the kilt.

It's always sad to lose someone so young and just starting their life. My condolences and prayers.

[Freedomlover]

The death of a young person is always tragic. I have often asked myself why several of my High School freinds died before the age of twenty, and since then there have been too many others. But I have settled upon these verses as great comfort:

Psalm 139:16 Thine eyes did see mine unformed substance; And in thy book they were all written, Even the days that were ordained for me, When as yet there was none of them.

Job 14:5 Seeing his days are determined, The number of his months is with thee, And thou hast appointed his bounds that he cannot pass;

From our (very) limited point of view these events seem to be unfair, perhaps even unjust. But they are not.

I know others here will vehemently disagree. Let's not get into it here. My email is rtm48@bellsouth.net.

Graham, I am sorry for the loss of your young friend, and for the great pain her family is suffering. I will pray for you all.