1) is the belt supposed to go through the belt loops, I ask because it does not seem like it would fit.

Wear the belt since you won't have a vest. The belt should be lowered so that about 1" of kilt shows above the belt. THe belt can go thru the loops if you want but many do not use the loops at all.

2) the sporran seems a little short right?

As the belt comes down so should the sporran. The genereal rule is one hands width between the belt and the top of sporran. I tend to place the sporran height just low enough to keep it off my thighs so it doesn't bounce as much when I walk.

3) am I supposed to fold the hose back, if so how far?

Top of hose is about 2 - 3 finger widths below the bottom of the knee.

4) How far is the kilt supposed to drop? My wife likes the current length but I thought it was supposed to be shorter.

I think your kilt could come up about 1" or 2". The narrowness of the knee really makes the look come together in a masculine way.

Will the wedding party be wearing flashes?
Are off-white hose an option? I think those might look better than black.