mean mother in law(to be)

[mbhandy]

When I first met my wife's mother more than 20 years ago, I was immediately scared out of my wits that my wife-to-be might turn out to be like her mother. To my great joy, my wife is her own person and can disagree with her parents *and* allow me the same privilege.

You should talk to your lady and find out what *she* thinks about wearing a kilt and how she would handle differences between you and her mother. That will tell you what you need to know.

Abax

Remember if you are still in high school there are lots of rules you have to follow but not aggree with. Checking with your girl friend is the most important. Most likely she will side with you, if not Who will be wearing the pants in your relationship?

MrBill

[Uncle Ricky]

If the Mother-in-law calls your kilt a dress, feel free to call her pants "overalls".

Cheers,
Rick

[Canadian_Kilt]

I can sympathize a bit even talking with many people over the last couple of weeks. I'm already getting jokes like "So how are we going to tell which one's the bride at the wedding?"

While most of what I've encountered is more poking fun that anything, I generally find what really makes a difference is when you explain the heritage behind it. People are much more likely to understand that you're wearing your "skirt" as a show of honor and respect to your family's ancestors, rather than because you think it's fashionable and comfortable (even if that's the real reason).

I think you'll find that if you can get a decent kilt in one of your family tartans, and you spend some more time educating her on the reasons for wearing a kilt, your mother in law may begin to understand a bit more.

As to whether to wear it to her house - If she has explicitly told you not to wear it in her house, then, for now, you should respect that. If she hasn't, I would wear it, and use it as opportunity to try and have a discussion about the kilt and your reasons for wearing it. This is a battle that will be fought over a long time. The important thing though is that your girlfriend is on your side. If she's not, you're fighting a losing, uphill battle.

[ian]

It's sad that anyone would make a value judgement over something so trite. I would say I prefer Kilts because they are a male garment and since women wear trousers, I'd prefer not to be perceived as "feminine." She wears pants, right? You could say "I'm wearing trousers today because I'm celebrating my inner femininity." (Jokingly).

I strongly suspect this issue is exacerbated by the fact she is "losing her baby" to a man she doesn't think represents "what a man should wear." It's ignorance. Get her a gift of the book "Scottish Clans and Families" or something similar. Without creating conflict, mention one of the things that makes her daughter great is her acceptance of the kilt and that her mother can take credit raising a loving and understanding woman. Maybe a video of the Highland Games and a Caber Toss, bet she's never see that. Not too many frail and effeminate men in those games.

Are you of Scottish Decent? Let her know. You could, in the future and unassociated with the "kilt" thing, present her a gift which celebrates her ancestry.

Try not to pee her off about it because it could start a chain reaction lasting years and evolve into a beast unrelated to kilts, but don't totally cave in either. If you can laugh and joke about it to make her feel more comfortable it'll help. When she laughs, you've got her.

[Pleater]

If you don't mind advice from an older woman -

Your girlfriend's mother is probably not actually bothered about you wearing a kilt, or anything else - I think the whole thing is about territory.

I suggest that if/when you are to be in her house, then dress smartly in something you think that she will approve of, but when you are leaving ask the permission - preferably of the future father in law if he is around, to change into your kilt - or even just 'something more comfortable', before you go - so you don't have to stop and make the change elsewhere.

Try not to be confrontational if the answer is 'no' - but make it clear that once you are out of the house you will be changing your clothes. Don't think of doing it outside the front door (well OK, think about it, just keep in mind that she won't forgive you - ever - for 'showing her up in front of the neighbours' )

Many MiLs appear to regard their offspring's home as simply an extension of their own, you might have to work hard to maintain that future as yet mythical space as your territory.

You might have to forgo a kilted wedding - the wedding day is, traditionally organised by the bride's family - but you will need to make clear - as gently and as subtly as possible that that is the last day when you and your wife will be truly involved with her parents.

If they offer to book and pay for the honeymoon in a place of their choosing, it might be as well to accept. Do, though, point out that all you require is a bed, preferably a large one, and that the possibilities of sightseeing are going to be slight. Enquire if room service is available after midnight. Make it clear that wandering around interesting places, holding hands and gazing at the sunset is not going to be high on the agenda.

Give her your best grin and tell her that at least you won't be wearing your kilt most of the time.

[katmills2005]

First, what does your girlfriend feel about the situation?

Second, her mother may see this as you trying to be a rebel rather than simply disliking a kilt. Perhaps educating her on the history of the kilt and reinforcing the notion that it is a traditional garment rather than a "teen fad". Point out that it is part of your heritage.

You are young and I'm assuming your girlfriend is as well. Give it time, don’t' rock the boat too much, and if it’s meant to be it will happen. As you mature and your relationship with this girl progresses, I think you will find that things will have a way of working themselves out. Be yourself and be proud. Don't let the jibes get to you.

[Riverkilt]

She's obviously uneducated about kilts. Maybe you can come up with some ways to enlighten her....pics of Sean Connery, Prince Charles, et.al. or maybe you live near a place where there's a Highland games or society, or maybe your library has books about kilts you can check out.

Good luck teaching the pig to sing.

Ron

[cessna152towser]

I'd say wear the kilt when you want unless she has specifically requested you not to wear it when you come to her house. If you intend to stay with this girl what really counts in your relationship is that your girl ought to feel comfortable with you wearing what you choose. Not wishing to be a party pooper but your life will probably take a lot of strange twists - when I was 17 I had already been going out with my teenage sweetheart for two years and we were already beginning to discuss a future together. Yet just before my 21st birthday and when we were on the point of becoming officially engaged, she suddenly and unexpectedly moved away with a new partner leaving her dad to break the news to me. She never did get in touch with any explanation. After that I met Ann for the first time when I was 23 and went out with her for a year or so. Then we drifted apart and I married someone else, fathered a daughter, got divorced and started dating Ann again then eventually at the age of 32 I got married to Ann and we are still together and I'm now 55.

[auld argonian]

Hmmm! My take on wearing/not wearing the kilt may help give you a bit of perspective on things...I wear jeans most of the time and a kilt some of the time (and a suit once in a while but that's incidental...I've been known to wear a kilt and jacket on "suit" occaisions). My approach is that I'm trying to let the folks around me know that I consider a kilt to be just one more type of clothing that I wear...that I'm not making any kind of political, moral or spiritual statement - it's just what I'm wearing today. I have a lot of people around me who seem to think that I'm trying to make some kind of "statement" or trying to be "special" by wearing a kilt. The point is that I like it, I think it looks good and it's a bit of connection with my Scottish ancestors (who seem to have been the most interesting and righteous part of my complex family tree). As I mentioned in an earlier post: I cannot believe that there is ANYONE on earth who doesn't recognize a kilt as a kilt and as a man's garment so I have to assume that anyone who calls it anything other than a kilt is just trying to get under the skin of the kilted one...don't let them succeed in this.

I have a couple of friends who have, by coincidence, run into me only when I've been wearing the kilt and I get the vibe from them that they think that I've joined a cult or something...they seem to be avoiding me - particularly going out for a beer with me - because they think that I'm always going to show up in a kilt and they somehow find this embarassing. Too bad. Some of the guys here have taken up full time kilt wearing...and that's cool...some of the guys wear them for special occaisions, some (like me) once and a while...no rule here...do what you like.

As I said in response to one of your earlier posts, take the Old Girl to a Celtic Fest or Highland Games...get a few pints in her and when she looks around she'll notice all of the guys in kilts and maybe she'll get the message. Have your camera ready to capture the Kilted Kodak Moment when she achives enlightenment.

One of the funniest Kilted Moments that I had when was I first met Kilted Code Warrior at a Celtic Fest...he was pushing the double stroller with his two girls in it and we met and started to chat and wandered over to the Caber Tossing. One of the girls chose that time to wake up and I'll never forget the look on her face when she saw her dad, who I guess was the only kilted guy that she had seen up to that point, surrounded by fellow Kilties...suprise and delight!

But, as previous posters have said, maintain your decorum...the opinion that she's just trying to yank your chain and exert some control might be valid as well. Be firm and polite and if you extend some consideration to her by showing up in trousers, make it clear that that's what it is: consideration...that you don't consider it a you win/I lose transaction.

When you wear it, wear it well, wear it stylishly, walk tall and enjoy yourself.

Best

AA

[Rigged]

I think she's testing you to see if you'll stand up for yourself.

If you don't stand up to her, your mother-in-law will make a nice, comfortable doormat out of you.

Oh, and if M-I-L just doesn't like you and she's determined to make your life miserable, she's going to do that anyway.

Would your wife-to-be consider moving to another state?