Curmudgeonly? No!
Crabby Old Fart? Yes!

HeathBar,
One source of information on burn testing to determine fabric content may be found here;

http://craftydaisies.com/2007/04/04/fabric-burn-test

(please remember to drag real hard on your celery stalk when you smoke it to know what burning celery smells like. Cuban of course.)

Majdan,
I am an engineer by schooling and temperament. Specifically an MSc Naval Architect/Marine Engineer. I also was a Helicopter Test Pilot for the Military for about 20 years.