Before the kilt became popular here.
Are coming or going to an event? If you call work an event, yes.
What band are you with? I am trying out for The No Tones
Where are your bagpipes? Safely in Scotland, being utilized by someone who can play them.
Are you Scottish? Genuine American!
Is that a real knife in your sock? Real enough to peel oranges.


After kilts have become popular here:
Are you going/coming from a DKM (Drop Kick Murphys) Concert? On three occasions the answer was yes, while returning from same on the T. The rest "NO"
You got Fenway Park tickets?!? No
Are the Bruins in town? Don't know, check the newspaper
Is there a PBH (Pipes of Bunker Hill) concert? Check the newspaper, I haven't made one of theirs yet.
That kilt is cool, where do you get one? type url: http://www.xmarksthescot.com , then check out the advertisers

When conversing with another kiltie on the train:
Are you guys brothers? Our tartans are different because we are not related.
Where is the band playing. We are not in the same band, hence the different tartans

Both of us in the same tartan and brand of kilt.
Are you brothers? No were models for [insert kiltmaker here] kilts, going home from a photo shoot.
Are you related? We are forty-fifth cousins, four times removed.
How cute, father and son matching kilts. (from the young man with me)No, he is the headmaster of the school I attend
The question We are with a regimental band (generates head scratching)

Four kilties in a fabric store, two carrying a few bolts of fabric:
You guys have to make your own skirts? A. We are wearing kilts, which only fit men. B. check out the kilts at [local menswear store name], we prefer our own sewing.

At the local Mens Wearhouse:
quizical look on salesperson as we entered. This is a menswear store, isn't it? salesperson "yes" Us in unison Then where is the kilt department? salesperson with look of shear terror.