Denied

**Phil** · 24th February 09, 02:30 AM

Wedding invitations here don't usually specify a dress code and guests are just expected to appear respectably dressed (like no trainers, jeans, baseball caps). I can't see why wearing normal day-wear (kilt, tweed jacket, shirt and tie) would upstage a bride.

**Jock Scot** · 24th February 09, 04:50 AM

Originally Posted by Phil

Wedding invitations here don't usually specify a dress code and guests are just expected to appear respectably dressed (like no trainers, jeans, baseball caps). I can't see why wearing normal day-wear (kilt, tweed jacket, shirt and tie) would upstage a bride.

Absolutely smack on the nail, there Phil.

**MacMillan of Rathdown** · 24th February 09, 08:56 AM

Originally Posted by Phil

Wedding invitations here don't usually specify a dress code and guests are just expected to appear respectably dressed (like no trainers, jeans, baseball caps). I can't see why wearing normal day-wear (kilt, tweed jacket, shirt and tie) would upstage a bride.

I agree with Phil and Jock Scot-- such attire wouldn't upstage the bride. In Scotland. But, if the invitation is to a wedding in say, Provo, Utah, well then the kilt just might call undo attention to itself.

In North America the time of the wedding specifies the attire expected of guests, even if it is not spelled out on the invitation. Unless otherwise stated, gentlemen should dress as follows:

Mid-morning = navy blazer or suit;

Mid-afternoon = suit;

Evening = unless otherwise specified, a dark suit.

Each of these modes of dress has it's kilted equivalent, and if one insists on attending a wedding in the kilt, then one should follow these guidelines and dress as conservatively as possible.

One of the social conventions concerning weddings is that gentlemen are expected to wear white shirts to attest to the chastity of the bride. It is from this custom that the phrase "little white lie" is believed to have come from.

**Phil** · 24th February 09, 10:17 AM

Originally Posted by MacMillan of Rathdown

One of the social conventions concerning weddings is that gentlemen are expected to wear white shirts to attest to the chastity of the bride. It is from this custom that the phrase "little white lie" is believed to have come from.

That's a new one on me. Certainly it was considered a trifle hypocritical of the bride to wear white if the wedding was of the "shotgun" variety or second time around but nowadays things are more relaxed. I was at a wedding not so long ago where the bride wore white despite being her second marriage. She had always regretted that she couldn't wear white the first time (due to the hurried nature of things) and no-one thought the worse of her having her wish this time.

**Panache** · 24th February 09, 10:25 AM

It seems to me that a difference between our friends in the British Isles and we over here in the United States of America is that the teaching of the conventions of dress for various social occasions have fallen by the wayside. Making matters more difficult is the fact that most invitations to events more often than not do not specify dress.

Americans seem to have a great tendency toward informality so perhaps organizers fear to alienate people by making things "too stuffy".

I applaud all those who post questions here on XMTS for asking questions, doing their homework, and trying to do the right thing and present themselves in a proper fashion at such events.

Cheers

Jamie

**Panache** · 24th February 09, 10:34 AM

We seem to be straying pretty far from Minnow's original topic.

Since this issue comes up fairly often I thought i would start a new thread where our experts could outline the guidelines of kilted attire for a guest at a wedding here:

http://www.xmarksthescot.com/forum/k....html?p=677904

Cheers

Jamie

**Minnow** · 25th February 09, 08:58 AM

WOW, I didn't expect this thread to be taken so far. I know it's strayed off topic somewhat, but I really didn't expect so much discussion.

Even though I'm wearing a tux for the ceremony, I was told I was more than welcome to change into my kilt for the reception if I wanted. Which I certainly will do. I don't think I'll be the only one either.

-Minnow

**Pleater** · 26th February 09, 03:29 AM

Conventions are - in today's terms, local.

In 19th century England, in most places the average man would not attend church a coloured shirt because 'Sunday best' was a white shirt and jacket, and women would have a white dress or white blouse and light coloured skirt - and white stockings rather than the darker attire of a working day.

In some areas the shirt and jacket were too upmarket - I have read of the indignation of a new vicar when he saw the fishermen attending church in their best patterned 'ganseys' or jerseys - which were the best they had. A bridegroom might have a white gansey, highly patterned, for the wedding and Sunday best, until it was worn out or outgrown. A white jersey was also appropriate for a first communion.

In the TV series derived from the 'Lark Rise to Candleford' books, in the latest episode a maiden lady deciding on her wedding dress was thinking that dove grey would be appropriate for someone her age, declaring that it was proper, white being for a younger bride.

As so much of wedding ritual is preserved from former times, I would suspect that although the wedding might not be in a church there are elements of church going customs still there.

The rule is, of course, don't outshine everyone at the church, though the reception is slightly more relaxed.

I will be attending a wedding in May, and as the mother of the groom I have to stand around with a fixed smile wearing a nice dress of the appropriate colour - the bride has American connections, the wedding is in a hotel, her parents are divorced, her wedding has to better than her sisters' do's were and the father's new woman has to be seated at the top table or he isn't going to give her away - half that family isn't talking to the other - did I mention tap dancing through minefields could be a new hobby?

Anne the Pleater

**Phil** · 26th February 09, 03:44 AM

Originally Posted by Pleater

I will be attending a wedding in May, and as the mother of the groom I have to stand around with a fixed smile wearing a nice dress of the appropriate colour - the bride has American connections, the wedding is in a hotel, her parents are divorced, her wedding has to better than her sisters' do's were and the father's new woman has to be seated at the top table or he isn't going to give her away - half that family isn't talking to the other - did I mention tap dancing through minefields could be a new hobby?

Anne the Pleater

Well join the club - I was at two weddings just like that last year. One I wasn't to wear my kilt for fear of offending the (English) groom and the other none of the groom's relations were to be invited. People do tend to get a bit uptight about these things and, in the event, both went off passably well, albeit with some trepidation about who was going to make a complete mess of the whole thing! And yes - I did wear my kilt. The groom couldn't understand why I shouldn't, yet another example of the importance of discussing things.