Wife jealous of the Kilt

[Fit2BKilted]

Why does everyone assume that she's jealous?

Just imagine, she's deep in conversation with a doctor having a serious conversation and in walks her husband and the doctor immediately ceases conversing with her just to comment on the fact that he was at some tattoo a world away. How rude! Geez, you're only wearing a kilt for heaven's sake, not running around nekkid so, what's the big deal, she's probably saying to herself. So, she's a little annoyed, not the same as jealous. And when you say that she's just jealous, you're belittling the issue and not respecting her, especially when someone suggests just throwing jewelry at the issue or buying fancy clothing. It's a futile gesture, like patting her on the head and saying 'there, there'.

I'm not married to her, but this would be my take on it.

This seems a much more reasonable assessment than those offered so far (aside from the plumage parallel---as plumage is designed to attract attention---but the reaction to it in this case is more likely to be in line with DixieCat's analysis IMHO).

[MacKay71]

My wife gets annoyed if I don't wear my kilt sometimes!

[Fit2BKilted]

My wife gets annoyed if I don't wear my kilt sometimes!

My wife similarly appreciates the potential status-boost my 'looking sharp' proffers in unfamiliar company (or the company of former detractors) since "'living well' is truly the best revenge."

[Riverkilt]

Sounds like you're guessing at what she's thinking. Have you sat down and talked openly about it?

[Dixiecat]

Maybe all she wants is for you to acknowledge this and to talk to her about it... (and wear pants when she goes to the doc! )

Exactly! There's nothing she can do about other people's reactions and rudeness and I'm sure she doesn't want to limit your type of clothing, but, an acknowledgment about the issue and maybe if it happens again, deflect some of the attention onto her by saying things like: You know, if it wasn't for the support of my wife (give her a big hug when you say it) I wouldn't be wearing this kilt at all!

[sydnie7]

Sounds like you're guessing at what she's thinking. Have you sat down and talked openly about it?

Ron's hit it on the head, IMHO.

FM, I was the one to introduce Bob to the kilt. But if I may relate your wife's reaction to something else. . . for example, if Bob suddenly started getting tattoos.

I really dislike tattoos, for reasons I won't go into here (no need to open that worm-can with all the tattooed folk on the board).

If Bob suddenly showed up with a large, visible piece of ink... and started going to ink shows... and spending time on an internet ink boad... and planning his next "purchase"... and people in public noticed his ink, and talked to him about it... and he spent more and more time and money on getting more and more visible ink... I can't imagine how I would react, or what I would do. It just might go along the lines of what you describe from your wife.

No suggestions or ideas, really. But there has been at least one other thoughtful thread on this board about a wife who just doesn't "get" the kilt, and how that couple agreed to deal with it. Maybe you've already seen it, heck, maybe you started that thread! but if not, have a look for it -- if memory serves, it provided a lot to think about.

I'll see if I can find and link it, or perhaps somebody else remembers the one I'm describing?

[davidlpope]

But if I may relate your wife's reaction to something else. . . for example, if Bob suddenly started getting tattoos.

I really dislike tattoos, for reasons I won't go into here (no need to open that worm-can with all the tattooed folk on the board).

If Bob suddenly showed up with a large, visible piece of ink... and started going to ink shows... and spending time on an internet ink boad... and planning his next "purchase"... and people in public noticed his ink, and talked to him about it... and he spent more and more time and money on getting more and more visible ink... I can't imagine how I would react, or what I would do. It just might go along the lines of what you describe from your wife.

Very well-put.

Is your interest in wearing kilts viewed by your wife as a runaway obsession? In other words, "Is it always about the kilt?" Did you grow up wearing a kilt? Were you wearing a kilt when you met her and started dating? Or is this some new "wierd" obsession in her eyes? Does it negatively impact her in a financial sense? Does it cause her to respect you less as a man because it seems "childish" to her?

Has she reacted like this to any other issue in your marriage? If so, then perhaps she has a tendancy to overreact to your receipt of attention from others. If not, then maybe she is identifying an issue that the two of you need to address...

It's just clothing, after all...

Cordially,

David

[wildrover]

I wouldn't dream of telling my girlfriend what not to wear, simply because her wearing it made me uncomfortable. Appropriate attire for a venue is one thing, but we ask each other, not order each other. Likewise, she knows not to order me around, simply because it won't work and I'm likely to do the exact opposite .

A relationship where anyone told what to do, or not to do, simply wouldn't work for me...just sayin', some of you may have a lot more to discuss with your respective spouses than kilts, because from the little (as in, we don't know the whole story) you've mentioned, you (plural) need a better pair of chairs than a bunch of kilted enablers can provide .

Part of the issue may be that I am a complete extrovert, while my wife is a total introvert. My idea of the perfect dinner date is a table for two in the middle of Bourbon Street during Mardi Gras enjoying all the people and festivities going on around us. She would prefer a very quiet evening for two.

Funny, I have the exact same situation in my own relationship. Fortunately, she likes my kilt .

Set up a date night for once a week or once every couple weeks, then alternate who gets to choose the venue between the two of you, with her going first. When it is your choice, pick someplace that may push her introvert tendencies, just a little bit---don't try to go whole hog or you will lose her first night out. Second time repeat that little push, and gradually increase with each subsequent night out how far you can get her to go toward your "perfect dinner". If you decide to try this let us know how it worked for you, or if it did not , why you think it failed.

That is an excellent suggestion! Thank you sir !

[ForresterModern]

Very well-put.

Is your interest in wearing kilts viewed by your wife as a runaway obsession? In other words, "Is it always about the kilt?" Did you grow up wearing a kilt? Were you wearing a kilt when you met her and started dating? Or is this some new "wierd" obsession in her eyes? Does it negatively impact her in a financial sense? Does it cause her to respect you less as a man because it seems "childish" to her?

Has she reacted like this to any other issue in your marriage? If so, then perhaps she has a tendancy to overreact to your receipt of attention from others. If not, then maybe she is identifying an issue that the two of you need to address...

It's just clothing, after all...

Cordially,

David

David

I am sure your points are valid with many relationships to some degree or other. In fact I was not kilted when we were dating, only became so a little over two years ago when I was completing some of the deepest part of my geneology research (since my two sons are the last with the family name going back about 6 generations and hold the key to carrying it through to future generations) and discovered the scottish roots, coincident with having the opportunity to go there on business just under two years ago.I am sure my wife thinks kilts have become an obsession, but no more so than several other transient passions in my life that have come and taken a prominent place in my life, but rather than passing away have instead stayed an important part of me and my life. Financials are not an issue as I really do not spend that much compared to some other passions in the recent past---for instance I spent at least as much money building up one expensive italian carbon fiber bicycle frame into a rideable work of art two years ago, as I have since spent on nearly all my kilt stuff since. And that was just one of three such bikes I built up over the last five years, including at least one for her. I could buy three very nice tanks with the money I spent just on one set of wheels for one of the bikes.

Our relationship and its background is a complex one that would make a"made for TV movie" look tame, and could actually be our own reality show if we so chose, but that is not the reason for the disproportionalte friction. Long story better saved for a day when more time and whisky is available.

jeff

[davidlpope]

David
Our relationship and its background is a complex one that would make a"made for TV movie" look tame, and could actually be our own reality show if we so chose, but that is not the reason for the disproportionalte friction. Long story better saved for a day when more time and whisky is available.

jeff

Fair enough. Each marriage is a complicated, unique pathway that must be navigated with wisdom and patience. I didn't mean to oversimplify things.

My $.02- If your life was a movie, are you playing the role of "Steve the Pirate"?

Cordially,

David