Kilt Remarks & Such

[Makeitstop]

“Are those bagpipes real?” (???)

"No, I got them out of a cereal box."

"Are those hard to play?"

"No, any idiot can do it, but don't tell anyone; I've got a good thing going here."

"Lemme tell you my family's Scottish history." (20 minutes of my life forever gone)

Not as bad as "Lemme tell you your family's Scottish history."

"WOW! I didn't know songs other than Amazing Grace can be played on the bagpipes?!" (These people probably vote)

"Yes, well, until recently it was only amazing grace and smoke on the water."

"Bagpipes are for funerals only."

"Fine then, you get the pine box, and I'll get the dead guy."

“Boxers or briefs?”

"no."

"My son just loves Braveheart."

He has good taste.

”Can I try playing your bagpipes?”

Eww, germs.

"I hate those things (pipes), but my daughter insisted on having you perform anyway."

You gotta respect the honesty.

"Duuuude... you are soooo awesome...!!" (with slurred speech)

I get that all the time.

"Are you really Scottish?" (I’m from Tennessee – do I sound even remotely Scottish?)

“Are you really Irish?” (I’m from Tennessee – do I sound even remotely Irish?)

"no, Australian"

"You are gorgeous. Can I go home with you? (a female who's overindulged a bit)

I say that everyday when I look in the mirror.

“I play the _______. Bagpipes would be easy to learn.” (as my eyes roll backwards 180 degrees)

Well, I play the kazoo. They're practically the same thing, right?

[James MacMillan]

And so the world turns, at least until people get used to seeing you in a kilt, then the dumb remarks drop off and commence again with just the new people.

[Nighthawk]

I'm not a piper- I'm a total wanna be (my chanter broke 10 years ago when I left it in sitting in my window sill and I never replaced it)- but I still got a good chuckle out of those. I can only imagine the number of of ignorant, or just plain stupid, remarks you get. As me Grandpappy Leddy used to say- Ignorant is what we are; stupid is what we choose to do.

Oh, and I play bass. I know darned well that NO instrument is EVER easy to learn, and that a $200 instrument is invariably garbage, and is only good for one thing- learning to play the real one.

[Frank McGrath]

When i am kilted, the first question I am asked is Do you play the pipes? Or Are you a drummer? My stock answer is " I am the designated drinker for the band. Someone has to toast when they are playing. " That usually shuts them up because they must think I am serious. And If they ask if I am serious, I just tell them " No, I'm Roebuck, Serious is watching the store."

[SteveB]

Before the kilt became popular here.
Are coming or going to an event? If you call work an event, yes.
What band are you with? I am trying out for The No Tones
Where are your bagpipes? Safely in Scotland, being utilized by someone who can play them.
Are you Scottish? Genuine American!
Is that a real knife in your sock? Real enough to peel oranges.


After kilts have become popular here:
Are you going/coming from a DKM (Drop Kick Murphys) Concert? On three occasions the answer was yes, while returning from same on the T. The rest "NO"
You got Fenway Park tickets?!? No
Are the Bruins in town? Don't know, check the newspaper
Is there a PBH (Pipes of Bunker Hill) concert? Check the newspaper, I haven't made one of theirs yet.
That kilt is cool, where do you get one? type url: http://www.xmarksthescot.com , then check out the advertisers

When conversing with another kiltie on the train:
Are you guys brothers? Our tartans are different because we are not related.
Where is the band playing. We are not in the same band, hence the different tartans

Both of us in the same tartan and brand of kilt.
Are you brothers? No were models for [insert kiltmaker here] kilts, going home from a photo shoot.
Are you related? We are forty-fifth cousins, four times removed.
How cute, father and son matching kilts. (from the young man with me)No, he is the headmaster of the school I attend
The question We are with a regimental band (generates head scratching)

Four kilties in a fabric store, two carrying a few bolts of fabric:
You guys have to make your own skirts? A. We are wearing kilts, which only fit men. B. check out the kilts at [local menswear store name], we prefer our own sewing.

At the local Mens Wearhouse:
quizical look on salesperson as we entered. This is a menswear store, isn't it? salesperson "yes" Us in unison Then where is the kilt department? salesperson with look of shear terror.

[Coemgen]

These people probably vote

"Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything." — Frank Dane