Wife jealous of the Kilt

[Dixiecat]

Maybe all she wants is for you to acknowledge this and to talk to her about it... (and wear pants when she goes to the doc! )

Exactly! There's nothing she can do about other people's reactions and rudeness and I'm sure she doesn't want to limit your type of clothing, but, an acknowledgment about the issue and maybe if it happens again, deflect some of the attention onto her by saying things like: You know, if it wasn't for the support of my wife (give her a big hug when you say it) I wouldn't be wearing this kilt at all!

[ForresterModern]

I will not presume to think I know what anyone else's spouse is thinking, but I have a similar situation of a wife who does NOT like it when I wear a kilt. And she is not afraid to speak her mind about it, saying things NOT in jest, but in front of our friends and family, like "he has more skirts than I do" and "I don't think a man in a skirt is at all sexy---rather it turns my interest in sex off for you, honey". For example, my birthday was this past weekend, and I was wondering if we could go out to dinner with some friends, the husband who knows I wear the kilt has always wanted to see me wear it and just never had a chance. So I thought on my birthday I could go out for a nice dinner kilted, with our friends, but was rebuffed with "If you wear a kilt don't expect me to go with you, especially if we invite (our friends) to go with us, becasue I don't want to be seen in public with you wearing that thing". I was this close to saying that we would miss her company at dinner that night, but instead took the high road and just she and I had a quiet dinner out, unkilted, needless to say me a bit disappointed. She also scrutinizes our credit card bills for Paypal charges and overseas credit card charges for kilt related items and gives me grief about every pair of hose, every kilt pin purchased, let alone when I want to get a full new kilt.

I understand that major purchases are and should be a family decision, but I am more than gainfully employed, the sole breadwinner for the family, and the amounts I spend relative to our disposable income are small and not threatening our finanical security.

She has even said that if I had been a kilt wearer when we met, dated and got married, that she never would have gone out with me. So, since I took up a new hobby, and some new dress style, am I that different of a person now than I was 4 years ago?

Now is that jealousy? Well all I can say is that when I insist on kilting up, and she does go with me (typically some celtic related event like a highland games) she is extremely conscious, far more than I, of folks around me and the looks I get while kilted. I do not know whether it is embarrassment to be seen with me, envy that I am getting undue attention, or some other concern that bothers her, but it really bothers her, without doubt.

Just my personal observations of my own similar situation.

jeff

[The Barry]

[QUOTE=CDNSushi;859626]Just tell her that it's all biological and evolutionary...QUOTE]

***, although my fiance also gets a bit jealous from time to time.

[sydnie7]

Sounds like you're guessing at what she's thinking. Have you sat down and talked openly about it?

Ron's hit it on the head, IMHO.

FM, I was the one to introduce Bob to the kilt. But if I may relate your wife's reaction to something else. . . for example, if Bob suddenly started getting tattoos.

I really dislike tattoos, for reasons I won't go into here (no need to open that worm-can with all the tattooed folk on the board).

If Bob suddenly showed up with a large, visible piece of ink... and started going to ink shows... and spending time on an internet ink boad... and planning his next "purchase"... and people in public noticed his ink, and talked to him about it... and he spent more and more time and money on getting more and more visible ink... I can't imagine how I would react, or what I would do. It just might go along the lines of what you describe from your wife.

No suggestions or ideas, really. But there has been at least one other thoughtful thread on this board about a wife who just doesn't "get" the kilt, and how that couple agreed to deal with it. Maybe you've already seen it, heck, maybe you started that thread! but if not, have a look for it -- if memory serves, it provided a lot to think about.

I'll see if I can find and link it, or perhaps somebody else remembers the one I'm describing?

[lethearen]

I have to side with Dixie and Ali on this one. It's not necessarily a matter of your getting more attention than she, nor even a matter of the kind of attention you're getting. How would you feel if everywhere you and she went, whatever you were doing, y'all got interrupted by someone telling her how great she looked, or where'd you get that dress, or whatever. Not only are you getting enough attention to make going out with you a chore, but she is losing attention from the person who matters most: you.

While I don't condone the "throw jewelry/flowers at the problem and she'll go away" mentality, you should really do something heartfelt that shows that she's what's important, not you. Jewelry or the "fancy" clothes you offered her don't fix the issue at hand. Chances are there's not much you could possibly buy her that would bring her the attention your kilt brings you. A woman dressed up is just a woman dressed up. A man in a kilt is an unusual sight.

If someone approaches and wants to talk about your kilt, dismiss them politely by saying you'd like to chat, but you're enjoying the day out with your wife. Tell the doc you'll catch up later after your wife's appointment.

And by all means, man... talk to her about this, not us I bet she has better ideas to a solution than any of us do!

[Bing]

I will not presume to think I know what anyone else's spouse is thinking, but I have a similar situation of a wife who does NOT like it when I wear a kilt. And she is not afraid to speak her mind about it, saying things NOT in jest, but in front of our friends and family, like "he has more skirts than I do" and "I don't think a man in a skirt is at all sexy---rather it turns my interest in sex off for you, honey".

Are we secretly brothers-in-law, because if I didn't know better I would have to say that I'm married to your wife's sister!

She Who Must Be Obeyed is currently on double-secret probation with me, as she has forbidden me on more than one occasion recently from wearing my kilt out in public. She says that she doesn't want to bee seen with me causing a spectacle.

According to the schedule I am allowed to wear a kilt in the beer tent (only!) on Friday and Saturday nights at the Fergus Highland games, to a Burns Day party we attend and at our Scotchtoberfest party in early October and our Niel Gow Birthday Party in late March. Count that up folks, 5 times a year.

Christmas - FORBIDDEN!
Hogmanay - FORBIDDEN!
Down the pub - FORBIDDEN!
playing a gig with our Celtic music club - FORBIDDEN!
St. Andrew's day - FORBIDDEN!

The most recent incident was this past weekend when were meeting up with some friends for a céilidh with the Irish Folk Society. I was dressed and ready to go but was sent back upstairs to change like a miscreant schoolboy before our friends arrived.

And now to the double-secret probation part. If this happens ONE MORE TIME I will sell every bit and scrap of kilt related stuff that I have. Keep your eyes on the For Sale forum because we have 2 gigs coming up for St. Paddy's day and if it's jeans again then it all goes.

I'm 48 years old, gainfully employed in my own business and I shouldn't have to fight about what I'm going to wear. Life's too short to deal with this kind of nonsense about my hobby that she doesn't like.

[Frank McGrath]

Our doctor is a Beatles superfan. He even has an exam room decorated with memorabilia. Every time I go with my wife to the doctor, she now makes me wait in the wating room with all the kids. The last time We visited, I took my copy of the white album. It still has the poster and the headshots. The doctor actually came into the waiting room to see it. His eyes got real big and he started to drool. When I turned around, my wife was in the car, honking the horn. I can't wee why she is not as excited as we were.

[azwildcat96]

All I can say is WOW! Who knew that there could be this much of an issue?

Maybe a support group for spouses of kilt wearers is in order?

My wife thought I was nuts for even thinking about buying (let alone wearing) one, but she seemed to change her mind when I took her to the fitting and she saw me in one.

You all have me worried about what could be headed my way.

[Bing]

Maybe a support group for spouses of kilt wearers is in order?

A support group only works when the members choose to join because they acknowledge that they have a problem.

My wife doesn't have a problem; go ahead and ask her and she'll tell you that I have the problem. And if I keep trying to wear that ridiculous thing out in public causing a spectacle and frightening children then it'll become an even bigger problem. For me.

[Zardoz]

Yikes!
I'm glad I don't have those kinds of issues!
In the last 20 years I think about the only thing my wife has expressly 'forbidden' was the 20 something redheaded girlfriend!

Honestly, if I had to give up that much control over my personal activities, dress, or hobbies, I think one day I'd just do a version of Lester Burnham's "employee in my own home" dinner table speech from "American Beauty" and clean house!

Wow!