Family Kilt Theft

[gilmore]

... Making ultimatums right now is not going to change her mind and will only lead to more problems later.

Good luck to you.

The ultimatum has already been made, and the mother made it. But then I am the kind of person who, when given an ultimatum, ALWAYS calls the person on it.

There is more to this than a kilt or two. If family members are not suportive of one's endeavors, that is one thing, but coercion, or even attempted coercion, is another. This is not an act of love. It is an act of control and abuse. If one gives in now, one will spend the rest of one's life subject to one's mother's and mother-in-law's wishes, demands and whims, no matter how superficial or ill thought-out, and there are few things more superficial than clothing, IMHO.

To me this would be to a relationship-ending event. To show up uninvited and unannounced from half way across the country is worse than rude and ill-mannered. It is worse than disrespectful. That in itself shows a profound lack of boundaries of the kind that is usually associated with deep-seated emotional problems. To then steal clothing in an attempt to control and manipulate is indicative of truly serious problems.

To my mind this is not about religion, unless one is in the worst sort of cult, in which one surrenders one's autonomy to others.

If I were in this situtation, I would if possible move with my family to another part of the country and re-establish a relationship with my mother and mother-in-law in a few years ONLY after both had had enough therapeutic help to be able to be able to participate in a non-destructive relationship.

[Coinneach]

So many things going on at once.

Did you wear a kilt to your business meeting? Was this not enough to show your mother you can dress yourself appropriately?

You could call the police, but you would have to be willing to prosecute the theft.

Perhaps a church leader could explain the concept of theft to both your mother and mother-in-law.

You're a grown man, married, with children, but your mother took the kilts, not the kids, because she was worried about you? Seems she has the wrong priorities. I don't know how old your kids are, but her theft is the wrong message to give them.

I like the letter idea, though it takes too long; you need to hand-deliver it. Take a deep breath and stay there while she reads it (don't get into a discussion with her about it). And do not leave until you have the kilts.

She should also apologize for violating you, your marriage, your family, and your house.

[Chase]

As a Police Officer, I would tell you to press charges...As a friend, I would tell you to try to reason with her to get it back and if that doesn't work, then I would press charges.

No Hesitation.

Chase

[James MacMillan]

Family members, Mothers especially have a very stilted image of you. They see you with eyes that sometime have no bearing on the actual facts.

She probably means well, but this activity seems over the top. Arriving un-announced, is one thing, but theft of personal property is another.

It almost sounds as if this is a planned intervention of some sort.

What is your wife's opinion of your kilts? Is she supportive? With only two kilts, you must not be wearing them full time. You were at a business meeting without one of them, so you apparently dress "professionally" when dealing with business associates.

It’s some times bad that our legal system doesn’t have the ability to divorce your parents.

But at the end of the day, she will always be your Mother.

Keep your personal opinions to yourself, limit contact with her as much as possible. Remain civil. Work hard, become a success in your chosen area, and show her she is wrong about you, by becoming wealthy and independent. Change the locks on your doors. Do not allow anyone other than your wife to have access to your house or residence. If your children are old enough to understand, calmly explain the situation. Kilts are cheaper than trying to fight with family members over an extended period. The next time that you get a truly extra spare $30, get another casual kilt, and start over.

She obviously knows you well enough to understand which of your buttons to push to get a reaction.

Consider the kilts gone. They are replaceable

[davedove]

She probably means well, but this activity seems over the top. Arriving un-announced, is one thing, but theft of personal property is another.

It almost sounds as if this is a planned intervention of some sort.

That's my take on it. In her own mind, she's doing the right thing.

But as has been said, it's only an article of clothing. It's not doing drugs or anything like that. Her action is WAY over the top.

But also remember, this your mother and your wife's mother. Whether you like their actions or not, they are still family. Remain calm and reasonable, even if they are not.

[Captain Karrot]

Here, here!

As a Police Officer, I would tell you to press charges...As a friend, I would tell you to try to reason with her to get it back and if that doesn't work, then I would press charges.

No Hesitation.

Chase

[Rex_Tremende]

I'm curious to know why you think your mother believes that two kilts in the closet are a barrier to your employability. What is the connection? Also, I looked at your profile on Linked In. It looks like you are trying to start your own business maybe? Is getting a job even in your plans?

Regards,
Rex.

[Larry124]

What Chase said…

Maybe sometimes “Tough Love” needs to be used in a “junior to senior” direction, especially when dealing with such clearly unacceptable behavior.

That being said, it’s not an amateur technique. Seek advice and assistance from a Legal, Family Counseling, or Religious professional.

[Jerry]

I agree with Mike.There are underlying issues here,possibly religious in nature.Since most of us know little of the Mormon church and religious discussion is prohibited on this board, I feel that the only proper advice to give is to discuss the issue with his church leaders.

[Caddy One]

I can see a small rebellion starting..........