Excerpts from a Dog's Diary

Day 180:
8:00am - Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
9:30am - Oh Boy! A Car Ride! My Favorite!
9:40am - Oh Boy! A Walk! My Favorite!
8:00am - Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
10:30am - Oh Boy! A Car Ride! My Favorite!
11:00am - Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
12:00pm - Oh Boy! The Kids! My Favorite!
1:00pm - Oh Boy! The Yard! My Favorite!
2:00pm - Oh Boy! The Kids! My Favorite!
3:00pm - Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
4:00pm - Oh Boy! Mom! My Favorite!
5:00pm - Oh Boy! Dad! My Favorite!
Day 181:
8:00am - Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
9:30am - Oh Boy! A Car Ride! My Favorite!
9:40am - Oh Boy! A Walk! My Favorite!
8:00am - Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
10:30am - Oh Boy! A Car Ride! My Favorite!
11:00am - Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
12:00pm - Oh Boy! The Kids! My Favorite!
1:00pm - Oh Boy! The Yard! My Favorite!
2:00pm - Oh Boy! The Kids! My Favorite!
3:00pm - Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
4:00pm - Oh Boy! Mom! My Favorite!
5:00pm - Oh Boy! Dad! My Favorite!
Day 182:
8:00am - Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
9:30am - Oh Boy! A Car Ride! My Favorite!
9:40am - Oh Boy! A Walk! My Favorite!
8:00am - Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
10:30am - Oh Boy! A Car Ride! My Favorite!
11:00am - Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
12:00pm - Oh Boy! The Kids! My Favorite!
1:00pm - Oh Boy! The Yard! My Favorite!
1:30pm - Uh-Oh. Bath. Bummer.
2:00pm - Oh Boy! The Kids! My Favorite!
3:00pm - Oh Boy! Dog Food! My Favorite!
4:00pm - Oh Boy! Mom! My Favorite!
5:00pm - Oh Boy! Dad! My Favorite!

Excerpts from a Cat's Diary

Day 752:
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangly objects.
Their meaning and purpose escapes me, but in order to placate my jailers, I go along.
They dine lavishly upon fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal.
Day 758:
The only thing that keeps me from going insane is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
Day 761:
Today, I will attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while walking... this has almost succeeded in the past.
Must try this tactic at the top of the stairs.
Day 763:
In an attempt to disgust & repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit upon their favorite chair.
Note: Must try this upon their bed.
Day 765:
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless corpse, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of.
This barbaric display was intended to try to strike fear into their hearts.
They only cooed and condescended what a good little cat I was.
Hmm... not working according to plan.
Day 768:
I am finally aware of how sadistic my captors are.
For no good reason I was chosen, again, for water torture.
This time, however, it included a burning foaming chemical they identified with the codename:"shampoo".
What sick minds could invent such a liquid?
My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
Day 771:
There was some sort of gathering by my oppressors and their accomplices.
I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event.
However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they called 'beer'.
More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of 'allergies'.
I must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
Day 773:
The hampster was up all night again.
He continually runs in the wheel placed inside his small, plastic cell.
I wonder...What fiendish device is powered by this slave labor?
Day 774:
I am convinced the other captives are collaborators, and, perhaps, snitches.
The dog is routinely released, yet seems more than happy to return.
To exhibit such behaviour, he is obviously either a half-wit, or has been subject to unspeakable totures.
I believe his mind is gone: yesterday I observed him chasing his tail, much to the amusement of our captors.
The bird, on the other hand, is undoubtedly an informant.
He speaks with them regularly, in return for cracker rations.
I am certain he reports my every move.
Due to his placement within the metal room, his immediate safety is assured.
But, I can wait...it is only a matter of time...