I'm sharing this with the rabble because I could use a fresh perspective. I've been wrestling with a conundrum for some time now, and I just don't seem to be making much headway. I'd write a "Dear Abby" letter but from what I've known my friends on XMarks to be, I think I can get better advice here! (Note to mods: No professional or medical or legal advice is requested herein)...

Social minefield: Every year, we get a new batch of English teachers here in Japan, arriving from all walks of life, and all corners of the world. We are all co-workers while on the clock, and all friends after-hours. It doesn't happen so often, but this year is one year where everyone seems to be friends with everyone else, and all the people get along smashingly with one another.

As a result, every time I log into Facebook, there are a half-dozen invites to various events, parties, nights out, and so on. Plus, everyone keeps in touch with one another by e-mail and SMS regarding birthdays, get-togethers, trips… Even now, a sub-group of our friends is planning a trip abroad over Christmas to holiday in Singapore and then Indonesia. It's really a fantastic group…

This is the backdrop to my conundrum. Every year, my wife and I organize a Thanksgiving party in November, to coincide with Thanksgiving in the United States and a similar Japanese national holiday. We bake two turkeys and have a potluck event where we all get together as "family" away from family, as we are a fairly close-knit ex-pat community.

There are roughly 12-14 people in this "circle of friends" and all of them are already stoked about the upcoming party in November. All of us drink alcohol socially -- there are no abstainers in the group… However, that said, there are about 5 individuals who really LOVE to drink -- much too much. It's too much for my comfort (and that of my wife) and it's too much for at least a couple of our other friends too (even though we are all friends with each other). Now, as much as we all enjoy our Thanksgiving bash, there have been a few occasions that things have gotten out of hand -- and that concerns me. Three years ago, a guest drank too much and got sick; two years ago, one of our guests made quite a fool of herself… Last year, because of these incidents we took a break from hosting the event due to the lack of discretion shown by these guests. The solution then was to have a different friend host the event at their house instead of ours, and that effectively took the guest list out from under our control and the offending people weren't invited. I really can't do that this year, as the group we currently have is very close and intimate with each other. It just wouldn't fly to not invite specific people, as it would really damage relationships.

Both my wife and I have had private conversations already with the 5 people who tend to over-indulge, and they recognize our position and seem to be cooperative (at least in theory). One of the people said quite openly that she would defer to our "house rules" whatever they might be, and I know that the others would be okay with that too. However, just TELLING them: "please don't get smashed" is okay in theory. When the bottles are in front of them, I'm afraid they'll succumb to the temptation (I'm speaking from experience).

Now, I'm just buffaloed as to what kind of "house rules" I can establish so that everyone has a good time and doesn't get completely gooned at the party. I don't want to have a "dry" event because that will annoy everybody, in particular the 7-8 people who drink responsibly and would really enjoy a couple of glasses of wine… One friend suggested that we simply regulate how many bottles of wine and other drinks are open at the table at any one time. It's a good suggestion, but I don't think it's enough. And I'm afraid that if I institute any sort of limits to the amount of alcohol consumed AT the party, I'm going to have those who don't feel like it's enough, and will either ARRIVE already "primed" or will excuse themselves during the party to go take a walk (or smoke break) and have more at that point.

Sorry for the long-windedness, but that's the background info. My request for advice is very simple. What would you do if you were in my shoes? Would you…. Have a no-alcohol event anyway? Would you do what I did last year and have someone else host it at their house? Would you establish some kind of limit? If so, what kind of limit? How would you implement it? Anyone have other, original or unique ideas or solutions? Have you ever been in such a situation? How did you resolve it?

Please bear in mind that this is not to talk about whether or not certain individuals have a problem with alcohol. That is a whole other issue that may (and probably will) have to be discussed one-on-one with at least a couple of individuals at some juncture. The point of this is to help me organize an event that everyone will enjoy safely and without becoming a nuisance to others.