Just listen to her. As a physician, I have had to learn how to listen to people. My very wonderful wife (a school psychologist), has given me a tid bit or two on listening through the years.

1. If you repeat back the gist of what she says before you come up with any comments, it lets her know that you heard her and it gives you time to avoid the foot-in-mouth disease we men are often afflicted with by making you think first before you respond

2. "what I hear you saying is..." is a good phrase-ology to consider when responding.

3. Try not to think of a response or "fix" half-way through her comment(s). If you pay attention, you will catch yourself 2 minutes ahead of the conversation because you heard her say something that set your brain thinking. Try to be aware of this and try not to do it. My first two points should help keep this I'm-a-guy-I-can-fix-this tendency at bay.

4. Watch her body language. Frowns, crossed arms, leaning away from you, etc. are possible cues that you are on shaky ground and need to listen and pay attention again.

5. Try to put your points in terms of "what can WE do about..." "how can WE work on...." "where are WE going to...." The "WE" phrase lets her know that you want to be in this (relationship, child-raising, etc) together. Avoiding blame-type phrases like "Well, you said..." is a very good idea.

6. The main thing is to really listen. If you have a good guy friend or girl friend who you can trust, try having a conversation with them and let them speak for 5-10 minutes. Then, as an exercise, try to remember what they were saying & repeat back to them what you heard them saying. It's surprising in conversations how often we are not actually listening.


7. Use your credit card for counseling for yourself if you dont have cash on hand, or have your family help you. The couple of hundred dollars you spend now can save you tens of thousands of dollars later. There are federal resources out there as well like the family visitor program. Ask your local hospital or womens' health clinic. There are also mental health counseling centers available and a situation like yours would make their day since they can deal with a normal person instead of the schizophrenic, drug addled regular customer.