i didn't elaborate like i wanted in my previous post. so forgive my soap-boxing....

relationships, especially between male and female, are possibly the most difficult work most people will ever take on in their lives. i cite the divorce rate and popularity of work-aholics as tepid proof. if both of you put in the work (and it has to be both), both of you will more than likely end up quite happy with each other and that will definitely benefit your child. but even the best intentions can be derailed by inside and outside forces.

she is pregnant, and yes there are hormones involved. but more than that, she is scared. she is feeling plenty of other emotions, but fear is one of them. we humans don't do so well as a rule when we are afraid. we need to be in control of things for our general happiness, and fear makes us acutely aware of the fact that we control very little in life.

i suspect that her disagreeing with your kilt wearing is a way of her asserting control, which in turn is her way of assuaging her fear. and i suspect that driving this motive is her since of gender roles. more than boyfriend you are now the father-to-be of her child-to-be. so i am sure her sense of gender roles is on her mind. and our society has a rather strict dress code for men/dads.

despite our need or want of control we do not have the right to control another (context: marriage like relationship). so it is flat wrong of her to dictate what you wear.

yet, my wife made a point not all that long ago. me wearing kilts in public with her has a direct effect on her. i get looks and stares and comments; and so does she as the women with that guy. those make her uncomfortable; therefore i should cease and desist. it is a valid point. if your actions effect another; then you have to take responsibility for those actions.

and so with that, i made a compromise. on those days when she just wasn't emotionally up for the onslaught of eyeballs; i would wear {shudder} pants. i did let her know what it did to me; as her request also has a consequence. i met her half-way. over time i was able to ween her off pants altogether. she realized over time that it really isn't that big a deal in public, and that sometimes what the public thinks doesn't mean jack-sh... i mean jack-poop.

so is her request is about control, but is it about control for the sake of control? is there a better motive behind it? Or a wee bit of both?

and the bad news is that there is little you can do. you are in the worst position to correct her issues. i'll take advice and admonishments from friends easier than my wife (i'm better about this now, for the record). i guess it is that we do not want to be judged (or feel like we are being judged) by someone who we are so vulnerable to, so intimate with. so you have to be extra careful and deliberate and thoughtful when trying to guide her in such matters. for example, you need to somehow convey to her that it is not fair or good for the relationship for her to hit you with "talks and talks and talks and will bring up 2, 3, 4 topics in the same breath." that sort of thing is a defense mechanism on her part. my wife used to do that to me too. it would just get me so irate and frustrated, that i would just throw my hands up and mentally bailout. and so nothing good was accomplished. what i did to get past that was to either doggedly stay on the primary topic ignoring and not reacting to other topics, OR calmly and politely asking that we stay on one topic at a time. say that you understand her need to discuss ABC, but right now you need to finish with DEF first.

now i realize that i have not really met you, and i have definitely not met her in any sense; so i did compose the above on some assumptions. so consult your doctor before taking this medication. and if you are wondering where all this comes from, i simply have a love and fascination with the psychological arts. that, and i have been thru marriage counseling and thru my own counseling. so take with salt as i am not a professional in this stuff at all.

i do wish yall the best, and let us know if the ultrasound shows wee lass or wee lad.