Trying not to get angry at co-worker

[bricelythgoe]

I feel you missed the snappy come back. Now you need to take the bull by the hornes and just tell him you don't appreciate those kind of comments and if he does not stop wou will be forced to make a formal complaint about his comments.(

MrBill

My problem is that I am not good at that. I have found that if I try to say something quick to get back, something really dumb usually comes out. I am the kind of person that has to think about something before I say it.

[bricelythgoe]

As I kept thinking about this, I realized that it was the comment about my son that got me a little angry. I don't know why, but it really got me steaming when the two were making fun of him. I think it is so cool that my son comes up to me and says, "Dada, I want a kilt!" I guess that is what made me more upset. I can handle it with me, but not my family.

[Mr. bone]

I've used this one and it seemed to work: "All of your joke making privelages have been revoked. All jokes must be submitted in writing, and if I haven't heard them a million times, you will be granted permission to voice said joke outloud.

Very nice. I have responded in the past to people by staring at them for a few seconds and then saying, "droll...how very very droll"

[bricelythgoe]

The problem with that is that there some people who just won't stop. You can only laugh with them for so long. I understand that some people will poke a little fun. My best friend in this life is a Native American and he and I give each other a hard time all the time on cultural issues. He'll tell me to quit wearing a skirt and I'll tell him that he should stay away from it because it's a blanket infected with malaria! (Funny aside- when he and I went camping after our high school graduation, I had bought a Coleman white gas stove. I couldn't figure it out. He took it, put it together, looked at me and said "The white man invents it; the indian has to teach him how to use it!" I've never forgotten that!) But this kind of thing is teasing between brothers, and we know when to to quit and what lines not to cross. Coworkers are a completely different situation. There comes a point where good natured teasing stops being so good natured and starts to get offensive, and can start to effect your state of mind. That's when you have to say "Hey! Enough is enough! It's not funny any more. I laughed along with you, now it's time for you to get the heck over it."

I agree. When my brother-in-law pokes fun, I know that it is just a joke. We get a long really well and he means well. I do believe this has gone beyond just a joke. I think what I will do is wear my kilt more often, just to get him riled up. Once or twice a week. What do you guys think?

[GMan]

I understand your feelings about the comments regarding your son. Yet I go along with those who say leave it alone. I find that once you do that everyone will get tired of the "jokes"

[Leprechaun 91]

It never seems to end. Many of these same people would never buy a Muslim co-worker a new "Towel" for her head.

Would they make fun of any other national style of dress to the wearer's face? Why is it we live in a society that sees to think that it is okay to mock another culture?

This situation as described is the very definition of a hostile work environment. HR should have something to say about it.

The fact that it took place in front of your students makes it even worse. If your co-workers can not treat you with respect while in the presence of you students, how can the students be expected to treat you with respect.

I feel that you must demand respect from your co-worker. If they can not deliver, then you must take things to the higher level and file a formal complaint.

[bricelythgoe]

I've used this one and it seemed to work: "All of your joke making privelages have been revoked. All jokes must be submitted in writing, and if I haven't heard them a million times, you will be granted permission to voice said joke outloud. Until permission is granted, please keep all stupid comments to yourself.".

Said it with a genuine smile on my face. Haven't gotten any static since.

Just sent that message to him. Thanks for the idea.

[JimB]

My bonnet is off to you sir. I'm afraid I would have had to say something but that's me.
It is best to leave it alone, and put as much distance as you can between you and he.

[cessna152towser]

Phogfan86

I'd let it go. The next time might warrant one of my favorites: "Y'know, it wasn't funny last time, and it's even less funny this time."

That would also be my advice.

[The Wizard of BC]

Bricekolob,

I don't know you or your specific circumstances but you alluded to something in your post that I must speak about.

You said that when this happened "There were students present" at the time. Can I assume you work in an educational institute of some kind?

If so, this is not a joke. It is not gentle ribbing among friends. It is blatant prejudice.

Does your school have a policy of cultural acceptance? Have you ever seen a Dashiki, a Sari, or a Turban at your place of work?

I'm afraid that I would have immediately mentioned to the entire audience that I was filing a complaint with the Human Resources Representative.

I then would have done just that. A full and formal report of Cultural Prejudice. No laughing. No snappy come-backs. No "letting it slide".

To me this is not funny. It is a simple case of prejudice and not to be tolerated or condoned.

We don't need this sort of thing in today's world, and we sure don't want to pass it on to the next generation.